NUGGET 29: DOMINANCE AND SUBMISSIVENESS-08 August 2011
- A dominant personality is the person who always wants to be the boss; he wants to decide where to eat dinner tonight:she wants absolute say on what colour the drapes should be in your home.
- He has the strongest opinion, loudest complaint or most vociferous case for what needs to be done.
- The submissive acquiesces willingly when the slightest pressure is exerted or opposition is raised against her/him. She is a peacemaker, doesn't like to fight, and would rather be taken advantage of than oppose anything but the most glaring inequity.
- 2 Dominant partners go to war with each other. 2 submissive partners will bore each other to death.
- In the best marriage, the individuals will both have moderate amounts of dominance and submissiveness.
- Indecisiveness is one of the most irritating aspects of the submissive person's makeup; totalitarianism can be one of the most dangerous aspects of the person who is high in dominance. Ideally, a good relationship will have a balance of both.
N/B After the 29 nuggets, we are in a moment I call SHANGRI-LA, a place of bliss and where one makes informed decisions
- Remember to know your partner for at least 2 years before getting married.
- Chemistry is the fire that stirs Love. Your relationship should have a lot of it. If she doesn't turn you on, hold on, that may be a clear sign that you are not compatible. Love minus chemistry is equals to friendship.
-We cover 2 more aspects before we close this subject.
i) 7 things you check before you say I DO- to be covered on 9th August.
ii) 50 Similarities and differences- to be covered on 10th August.
Regards
Kiago
www.standbymanagementsolutions.webs.com
Sunday, August 7, 2011
KINDNESS
NUGGET 28: YOUR KINDNESS: 07 AUGUST 2011
- It might surprise you to discover that in survey after survey, both men and women rate kindness as the second most important quality to look in a mate.
- Men rate vitality as the number one trait, while women rate security as number one trait. Both rate kindness as number two.
- Watch carefully how your partner treats his or her family members, business associates, friends, or even strangers. Does he rail at other drivers on the highway? Does she cut people off as she is exiting the parking garage, or does she allow people to pull out in front of her?
- Don't be fooled by his/her kindness in your initial dating days: flowers are not enough to determine her/his kindness.
- Observe acts and attitudes of kindness in the little things,watch for him to open the car door for you, does he thank you when you bring in the mail for her? Does he offer unsolicited compliments on your new sweater or blouse?
- Are basic acts and words of consideration; such as "please", "thank you"and "No thank you" a regular part of your partner's conversation? When you and your partner treat each other with the sort of kindness it will enrich your relationship, whether you eventually marry or not.
- The truly great marriages are those in which both partners express, reciprocate and appreciate kindness.
- When you are considering a person as a possible marriage partner, make sure he/she is a kind person. And while you are at it, be sure that the person whose face you see in your mirror is kind person as well.
Regards
Kiago
- It might surprise you to discover that in survey after survey, both men and women rate kindness as the second most important quality to look in a mate.
- Men rate vitality as the number one trait, while women rate security as number one trait. Both rate kindness as number two.
- Watch carefully how your partner treats his or her family members, business associates, friends, or even strangers. Does he rail at other drivers on the highway? Does she cut people off as she is exiting the parking garage, or does she allow people to pull out in front of her?
- Don't be fooled by his/her kindness in your initial dating days: flowers are not enough to determine her/his kindness.
- Observe acts and attitudes of kindness in the little things,watch for him to open the car door for you, does he thank you when you bring in the mail for her? Does he offer unsolicited compliments on your new sweater or blouse?
- Are basic acts and words of consideration; such as "please", "thank you"and "No thank you" a regular part of your partner's conversation? When you and your partner treat each other with the sort of kindness it will enrich your relationship, whether you eventually marry or not.
- The truly great marriages are those in which both partners express, reciprocate and appreciate kindness.
- When you are considering a person as a possible marriage partner, make sure he/she is a kind person. And while you are at it, be sure that the person whose face you see in your mirror is kind person as well.
Regards
Kiago
Saturday, August 6, 2011
ADAPTABILITY
NUGGET 27: ADAPTATION- 6th August 2011
- One of the most crucial components to a good relationship is adaptability.
- If a man or a woman can maintain some flexibility , roll with the punches and adapt to various unforeseen circumstances of life, they have a much better chance of handling the stresses and strains that every marriage is bound to encounter.
- Adaptability stems from a good, solid self-conception. Show me a person who is able to adapt to the circumstances life throws at him, and I'll show somebody whose self-esteem is not tied to what he does, who knows his name, or what he has. He is able to adapt because deep inside he knows he is a person of value, so wherever he is or whatever he does, his life will continue to have intrinsic worth.
- Adaptability opens the doors to communication, negotiation and compromise.
- Most of us don't like change , we prefer our comfort zones, the tried and true, but sure enough, just about the time we begin to sit back and relax,something comes along to rock our world.
- Having a similar measure of adaptability should be a deciding factor concerning your future together.
Regards
Kiago
- One of the most crucial components to a good relationship is adaptability.
- If a man or a woman can maintain some flexibility , roll with the punches and adapt to various unforeseen circumstances of life, they have a much better chance of handling the stresses and strains that every marriage is bound to encounter.
- Adaptability stems from a good, solid self-conception. Show me a person who is able to adapt to the circumstances life throws at him, and I'll show somebody whose self-esteem is not tied to what he does, who knows his name, or what he has. He is able to adapt because deep inside he knows he is a person of value, so wherever he is or whatever he does, his life will continue to have intrinsic worth.
- Adaptability opens the doors to communication, negotiation and compromise.
- Most of us don't like change , we prefer our comfort zones, the tried and true, but sure enough, just about the time we begin to sit back and relax,something comes along to rock our world.
- Having a similar measure of adaptability should be a deciding factor concerning your future together.
Regards
Kiago
Friday, August 5, 2011
SOCIABILITY
NUGGET 26: DEGREE OF SOCIABILITY:4th August
- The degree to which 2 people want interpersonal relationships, pursue them, and do well with them needs to be similar if they are going to be matched well enough for marriage.
- Some people thrive on being with groups of people. Some prefer to be alone or with one person.
- Too much aloneness can spawn jealousy and possessiveness, which smother the other partner's personality.
- An overly possessive person does not feel secure; he/she doesn't possess that profound sense of significance. Meet possessiveness head on by saying, "something is wrong here, and it needs to be taken care of before progressing any further in this relationship."
- Don't marry a person that is overly possessive.
- People with satisfying lives have 3 to 5 friends of the same sex and one or two of the opposite sex.
- It would be a mistake to match a highly sociable person with someone who is not.
Regards
Kiago
- The degree to which 2 people want interpersonal relationships, pursue them, and do well with them needs to be similar if they are going to be matched well enough for marriage.
- Some people thrive on being with groups of people. Some prefer to be alone or with one person.
- Too much aloneness can spawn jealousy and possessiveness, which smother the other partner's personality.
- An overly possessive person does not feel secure; he/she doesn't possess that profound sense of significance. Meet possessiveness head on by saying, "something is wrong here, and it needs to be taken care of before progressing any further in this relationship."
- Don't marry a person that is overly possessive.
- People with satisfying lives have 3 to 5 friends of the same sex and one or two of the opposite sex.
- It would be a mistake to match a highly sociable person with someone who is not.
Regards
Kiago
Thursday, August 4, 2011
CONFLICT RESOLUTION
NUGGET 25: RESOLVING CONFLICTS- 4th August 2011
- All marriages have conflicts.
- When you see a great marriage, often the 2 people are unique, lively personalities, and they have options or practices that vary from each other's. The couple experience disagreements over these differences, but the effort they put forth to work through their conflict actually makes their relation stronger and both of them better people.
- Don't run away from conflicts. Learn to deal with it.
- In a good relationship both partners must be good at resolving conflict. Those who do best in marriage are the couples who learn how to resolve disputes before they say "I do"
- If you are going to marry well, you must learn to deal with conflicts, how to understand them how to manage them, and how you can make them work for you instead of against you.
- You can't resolve a conflict by ignoring it, sweeping it under the rug, or pretending that it doesn't exist.
- Unresolved conflicts have an extremely high rate of resurrection
- Conflict resolution can be easily learnt.
- The 5 model to resolve conflict involves:
1. Acknowledge that having a conflicts is okay.
2. Allow your partner to explain why she/he feels the way she/he does-"seek to understand before you are understood"
3. Pinpoint precisely what you disagree about.
4. Compromise for the good of the relationship.
5. Congratulate each other for resolving any conflict.
- Avoid selfishness in a relationship.
- In a good relationship, the number of conflicts should go down over time.
Regards
Kiago
- All marriages have conflicts.
- When you see a great marriage, often the 2 people are unique, lively personalities, and they have options or practices that vary from each other's. The couple experience disagreements over these differences, but the effort they put forth to work through their conflict actually makes their relation stronger and both of them better people.
- Don't run away from conflicts. Learn to deal with it.
- In a good relationship both partners must be good at resolving conflict. Those who do best in marriage are the couples who learn how to resolve disputes before they say "I do"
- If you are going to marry well, you must learn to deal with conflicts, how to understand them how to manage them, and how you can make them work for you instead of against you.
- You can't resolve a conflict by ignoring it, sweeping it under the rug, or pretending that it doesn't exist.
- Unresolved conflicts have an extremely high rate of resurrection
- Conflict resolution can be easily learnt.
- The 5 model to resolve conflict involves:
1. Acknowledge that having a conflicts is okay.
2. Allow your partner to explain why she/he feels the way she/he does-"seek to understand before you are understood"
3. Pinpoint precisely what you disagree about.
4. Compromise for the good of the relationship.
5. Congratulate each other for resolving any conflict.
- Avoid selfishness in a relationship.
- In a good relationship, the number of conflicts should go down over time.
Regards
Kiago
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
COMMUNICATION
NUGGET 24: COMMUNICATION SKILLS-3rd August 2011
You have probably heard someone says, "Communication is the lifeblood of a great marriage" and it is, but what does that really mean?
- Good communication requires 3 active efforts on the part of the individuals involved:
1. Partners should be able to put their feelings into words. "This is what I'm feeling right now", "This is what I think"
- If you feel the same thing over something, then you are matched .
- Men have difficulty in expressing what is going on inside of them than do women.
- Men have been conditioned to hold in their emotions.
2. The second skill a couple must have or learn is hearing and understanding the other person.
- In your search for a mate, make sure that you find a person who is not only good at talking, but is also good at listening to you that makes intimacy possible.
3. The 3rd aspect of good communication is the ability to accurately understand the meaning of what your patner is saying, to be able to repeat it back to him or her for clarification and then dig deper.
- To have a successful marriage, you and your partner must have a similar desire to communicate, a willingness to continually work at communication and the ability to do so. When both partners maintain the interest in good communication and the skills to keep going deeper with each other, there is no end to the depth of love that can be experienced in marriage.
You have probably heard someone says, "Communication is the lifeblood of a great marriage" and it is, but what does that really mean?
- Good communication requires 3 active efforts on the part of the individuals involved:
1. Partners should be able to put their feelings into words. "This is what I'm feeling right now", "This is what I think"
- If you feel the same thing over something, then you are matched .
- Men have difficulty in expressing what is going on inside of them than do women.
- Men have been conditioned to hold in their emotions.
2. The second skill a couple must have or learn is hearing and understanding the other person.
- In your search for a mate, make sure that you find a person who is not only good at talking, but is also good at listening to you that makes intimacy possible.
3. The 3rd aspect of good communication is the ability to accurately understand the meaning of what your patner is saying, to be able to repeat it back to him or her for clarification and then dig deper.
- To have a successful marriage, you and your partner must have a similar desire to communicate, a willingness to continually work at communication and the ability to do so. When both partners maintain the interest in good communication and the skills to keep going deeper with each other, there is no end to the depth of love that can be experienced in marriage.
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
AUTONOMY VERSUS CLOSENESS
NUGGET 23:DESIRE FOR AUTONOMY VERSUS CLOSENESS-2nd August 2011
- Some people love solitude; others loathe it. Many people enjoy being alone and can handle it much better than others. They can work for hours in isolation, not talking with anyone or interacting a great deal with the outside world. Many artistic and creative people fall into this category.
- If you are in a relationship with this sort of person, he doesn't want you to be with him everywhere he goes.
- Some people are natural extroverts- they not only want to be around people a lot;they need to be around people especially you;she can't get enough of you; she wants you with her all the time;she's a high-maintenance woman and you are perpetually on call.
- If your partner is the kind of person who "needs a lot of space," that's fine, but if you need him or her to be there for you in a regular basis, it could spell trouble in your relationship.
- Some people prefer autonomy because they don't like being accountable to anyone.
- Studies indicate that the best marriage involve people who have a similar need to be alone or similar need for more closeness.
- People change but not much.
Regards
Kiago
- Some people love solitude; others loathe it. Many people enjoy being alone and can handle it much better than others. They can work for hours in isolation, not talking with anyone or interacting a great deal with the outside world. Many artistic and creative people fall into this category.
- If you are in a relationship with this sort of person, he doesn't want you to be with him everywhere he goes.
- Some people are natural extroverts- they not only want to be around people a lot;they need to be around people especially you;she can't get enough of you; she wants you with her all the time;she's a high-maintenance woman and you are perpetually on call.
- If your partner is the kind of person who "needs a lot of space," that's fine, but if you need him or her to be there for you in a regular basis, it could spell trouble in your relationship.
- Some people prefer autonomy because they don't like being accountable to anyone.
- Studies indicate that the best marriage involve people who have a similar need to be alone or similar need for more closeness.
- People change but not much.
Regards
Kiago
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