This weekend I unveiled a mysterythat I cannot let it go without writing it down. In my day to day business of private investigations, I happened to get a case to investigate on infidelity. I had not known that many people cannot be trusted until I landed on this eveidence. The case involved a married man and his friends wife who worked in the same office. After leaving the office, they decided to have 3 for the road at bar near their office. I had been tipped by the husband to follow them up and record every of those happennings. So that evening I drove to the bar they were in and since I had her photo I could easily tell that she was the lady before me. Drinking never leaves a man sober,it also messes up women especially when they juice the so called "Pant remover"(Sminoff black ice.) The lady sipped the first beer, the second, and the third...she then proceeded to the ladies to relieve herself. I thought the man would be patient but followed her to the ladies, pretending to go to the gents. My investigation would not be complete if I missed this scenario.I proceeded to the counter and paid my bill. Two minutes later I was combing the gents and the ladies to ascertain my presumption. I was right they were in the ladies enjoying every of they coveted dreams. The sigh inside attracted a few ladies who were around the pub. I had to get a snapshot of this. So I pushed the door in and was not shocked to find the "couple" pants down. My camera had to get this inorder to get paid for my job.After the photo I had to vanish so as not to attract the wrath of the "couple". I called her husband and told him of the progress. I recommended a physical examination before the woman went to the bathroom. Remember that these guys had not used any protection. So the husband proceeded home and waited for this culprit. The rest is history. The days of a thief are numbered.
With this investigation I have decided to major my investigations on relationships.As a company I will provide solutions for infidelity. So do you want any infidelity verification? just call 0720-545788 or 0751-390 790
We Promise to give you the information you want
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Sunday, August 7, 2011
SHANGRI-LA
NUGGET 29: DOMINANCE AND SUBMISSIVENESS-08 August 2011
- A dominant personality is the person who always wants to be the boss; he wants to decide where to eat dinner tonight:she wants absolute say on what colour the drapes should be in your home.
- He has the strongest opinion, loudest complaint or most vociferous case for what needs to be done.
- The submissive acquiesces willingly when the slightest pressure is exerted or opposition is raised against her/him. She is a peacemaker, doesn't like to fight, and would rather be taken advantage of than oppose anything but the most glaring inequity.
- 2 Dominant partners go to war with each other. 2 submissive partners will bore each other to death.
- In the best marriage, the individuals will both have moderate amounts of dominance and submissiveness.
- Indecisiveness is one of the most irritating aspects of the submissive person's makeup; totalitarianism can be one of the most dangerous aspects of the person who is high in dominance. Ideally, a good relationship will have a balance of both.
N/B After the 29 nuggets, we are in a moment I call SHANGRI-LA, a place of bliss and where one makes informed decisions
- Remember to know your partner for at least 2 years before getting married.
- Chemistry is the fire that stirs Love. Your relationship should have a lot of it. If she doesn't turn you on, hold on, that may be a clear sign that you are not compatible. Love minus chemistry is equals to friendship.
-We cover 2 more aspects before we close this subject.
i) 7 things you check before you say I DO- to be covered on 9th August.
ii) 50 Similarities and differences- to be covered on 10th August.
Regards
Kiago
www.standbymanagementsolutions.webs.com
- A dominant personality is the person who always wants to be the boss; he wants to decide where to eat dinner tonight:she wants absolute say on what colour the drapes should be in your home.
- He has the strongest opinion, loudest complaint or most vociferous case for what needs to be done.
- The submissive acquiesces willingly when the slightest pressure is exerted or opposition is raised against her/him. She is a peacemaker, doesn't like to fight, and would rather be taken advantage of than oppose anything but the most glaring inequity.
- 2 Dominant partners go to war with each other. 2 submissive partners will bore each other to death.
- In the best marriage, the individuals will both have moderate amounts of dominance and submissiveness.
- Indecisiveness is one of the most irritating aspects of the submissive person's makeup; totalitarianism can be one of the most dangerous aspects of the person who is high in dominance. Ideally, a good relationship will have a balance of both.
N/B After the 29 nuggets, we are in a moment I call SHANGRI-LA, a place of bliss and where one makes informed decisions
- Remember to know your partner for at least 2 years before getting married.
- Chemistry is the fire that stirs Love. Your relationship should have a lot of it. If she doesn't turn you on, hold on, that may be a clear sign that you are not compatible. Love minus chemistry is equals to friendship.
-We cover 2 more aspects before we close this subject.
i) 7 things you check before you say I DO- to be covered on 9th August.
ii) 50 Similarities and differences- to be covered on 10th August.
Regards
Kiago
www.standbymanagementsolutions.webs.com
KINDNESS
NUGGET 28: YOUR KINDNESS: 07 AUGUST 2011
- It might surprise you to discover that in survey after survey, both men and women rate kindness as the second most important quality to look in a mate.
- Men rate vitality as the number one trait, while women rate security as number one trait. Both rate kindness as number two.
- Watch carefully how your partner treats his or her family members, business associates, friends, or even strangers. Does he rail at other drivers on the highway? Does she cut people off as she is exiting the parking garage, or does she allow people to pull out in front of her?
- Don't be fooled by his/her kindness in your initial dating days: flowers are not enough to determine her/his kindness.
- Observe acts and attitudes of kindness in the little things,watch for him to open the car door for you, does he thank you when you bring in the mail for her? Does he offer unsolicited compliments on your new sweater or blouse?
- Are basic acts and words of consideration; such as "please", "thank you"and "No thank you" a regular part of your partner's conversation? When you and your partner treat each other with the sort of kindness it will enrich your relationship, whether you eventually marry or not.
- The truly great marriages are those in which both partners express, reciprocate and appreciate kindness.
- When you are considering a person as a possible marriage partner, make sure he/she is a kind person. And while you are at it, be sure that the person whose face you see in your mirror is kind person as well.
Regards
Kiago
- It might surprise you to discover that in survey after survey, both men and women rate kindness as the second most important quality to look in a mate.
- Men rate vitality as the number one trait, while women rate security as number one trait. Both rate kindness as number two.
- Watch carefully how your partner treats his or her family members, business associates, friends, or even strangers. Does he rail at other drivers on the highway? Does she cut people off as she is exiting the parking garage, or does she allow people to pull out in front of her?
- Don't be fooled by his/her kindness in your initial dating days: flowers are not enough to determine her/his kindness.
- Observe acts and attitudes of kindness in the little things,watch for him to open the car door for you, does he thank you when you bring in the mail for her? Does he offer unsolicited compliments on your new sweater or blouse?
- Are basic acts and words of consideration; such as "please", "thank you"and "No thank you" a regular part of your partner's conversation? When you and your partner treat each other with the sort of kindness it will enrich your relationship, whether you eventually marry or not.
- The truly great marriages are those in which both partners express, reciprocate and appreciate kindness.
- When you are considering a person as a possible marriage partner, make sure he/she is a kind person. And while you are at it, be sure that the person whose face you see in your mirror is kind person as well.
Regards
Kiago
Saturday, August 6, 2011
ADAPTABILITY
NUGGET 27: ADAPTATION- 6th August 2011
- One of the most crucial components to a good relationship is adaptability.
- If a man or a woman can maintain some flexibility , roll with the punches and adapt to various unforeseen circumstances of life, they have a much better chance of handling the stresses and strains that every marriage is bound to encounter.
- Adaptability stems from a good, solid self-conception. Show me a person who is able to adapt to the circumstances life throws at him, and I'll show somebody whose self-esteem is not tied to what he does, who knows his name, or what he has. He is able to adapt because deep inside he knows he is a person of value, so wherever he is or whatever he does, his life will continue to have intrinsic worth.
- Adaptability opens the doors to communication, negotiation and compromise.
- Most of us don't like change , we prefer our comfort zones, the tried and true, but sure enough, just about the time we begin to sit back and relax,something comes along to rock our world.
- Having a similar measure of adaptability should be a deciding factor concerning your future together.
Regards
Kiago
- One of the most crucial components to a good relationship is adaptability.
- If a man or a woman can maintain some flexibility , roll with the punches and adapt to various unforeseen circumstances of life, they have a much better chance of handling the stresses and strains that every marriage is bound to encounter.
- Adaptability stems from a good, solid self-conception. Show me a person who is able to adapt to the circumstances life throws at him, and I'll show somebody whose self-esteem is not tied to what he does, who knows his name, or what he has. He is able to adapt because deep inside he knows he is a person of value, so wherever he is or whatever he does, his life will continue to have intrinsic worth.
- Adaptability opens the doors to communication, negotiation and compromise.
- Most of us don't like change , we prefer our comfort zones, the tried and true, but sure enough, just about the time we begin to sit back and relax,something comes along to rock our world.
- Having a similar measure of adaptability should be a deciding factor concerning your future together.
Regards
Kiago
Friday, August 5, 2011
SOCIABILITY
NUGGET 26: DEGREE OF SOCIABILITY:4th August
- The degree to which 2 people want interpersonal relationships, pursue them, and do well with them needs to be similar if they are going to be matched well enough for marriage.
- Some people thrive on being with groups of people. Some prefer to be alone or with one person.
- Too much aloneness can spawn jealousy and possessiveness, which smother the other partner's personality.
- An overly possessive person does not feel secure; he/she doesn't possess that profound sense of significance. Meet possessiveness head on by saying, "something is wrong here, and it needs to be taken care of before progressing any further in this relationship."
- Don't marry a person that is overly possessive.
- People with satisfying lives have 3 to 5 friends of the same sex and one or two of the opposite sex.
- It would be a mistake to match a highly sociable person with someone who is not.
Regards
Kiago
- The degree to which 2 people want interpersonal relationships, pursue them, and do well with them needs to be similar if they are going to be matched well enough for marriage.
- Some people thrive on being with groups of people. Some prefer to be alone or with one person.
- Too much aloneness can spawn jealousy and possessiveness, which smother the other partner's personality.
- An overly possessive person does not feel secure; he/she doesn't possess that profound sense of significance. Meet possessiveness head on by saying, "something is wrong here, and it needs to be taken care of before progressing any further in this relationship."
- Don't marry a person that is overly possessive.
- People with satisfying lives have 3 to 5 friends of the same sex and one or two of the opposite sex.
- It would be a mistake to match a highly sociable person with someone who is not.
Regards
Kiago
Thursday, August 4, 2011
CONFLICT RESOLUTION
NUGGET 25: RESOLVING CONFLICTS- 4th August 2011
- All marriages have conflicts.
- When you see a great marriage, often the 2 people are unique, lively personalities, and they have options or practices that vary from each other's. The couple experience disagreements over these differences, but the effort they put forth to work through their conflict actually makes their relation stronger and both of them better people.
- Don't run away from conflicts. Learn to deal with it.
- In a good relationship both partners must be good at resolving conflict. Those who do best in marriage are the couples who learn how to resolve disputes before they say "I do"
- If you are going to marry well, you must learn to deal with conflicts, how to understand them how to manage them, and how you can make them work for you instead of against you.
- You can't resolve a conflict by ignoring it, sweeping it under the rug, or pretending that it doesn't exist.
- Unresolved conflicts have an extremely high rate of resurrection
- Conflict resolution can be easily learnt.
- The 5 model to resolve conflict involves:
1. Acknowledge that having a conflicts is okay.
2. Allow your partner to explain why she/he feels the way she/he does-"seek to understand before you are understood"
3. Pinpoint precisely what you disagree about.
4. Compromise for the good of the relationship.
5. Congratulate each other for resolving any conflict.
- Avoid selfishness in a relationship.
- In a good relationship, the number of conflicts should go down over time.
Regards
Kiago
- All marriages have conflicts.
- When you see a great marriage, often the 2 people are unique, lively personalities, and they have options or practices that vary from each other's. The couple experience disagreements over these differences, but the effort they put forth to work through their conflict actually makes their relation stronger and both of them better people.
- Don't run away from conflicts. Learn to deal with it.
- In a good relationship both partners must be good at resolving conflict. Those who do best in marriage are the couples who learn how to resolve disputes before they say "I do"
- If you are going to marry well, you must learn to deal with conflicts, how to understand them how to manage them, and how you can make them work for you instead of against you.
- You can't resolve a conflict by ignoring it, sweeping it under the rug, or pretending that it doesn't exist.
- Unresolved conflicts have an extremely high rate of resurrection
- Conflict resolution can be easily learnt.
- The 5 model to resolve conflict involves:
1. Acknowledge that having a conflicts is okay.
2. Allow your partner to explain why she/he feels the way she/he does-"seek to understand before you are understood"
3. Pinpoint precisely what you disagree about.
4. Compromise for the good of the relationship.
5. Congratulate each other for resolving any conflict.
- Avoid selfishness in a relationship.
- In a good relationship, the number of conflicts should go down over time.
Regards
Kiago
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
COMMUNICATION
NUGGET 24: COMMUNICATION SKILLS-3rd August 2011
You have probably heard someone says, "Communication is the lifeblood of a great marriage" and it is, but what does that really mean?
- Good communication requires 3 active efforts on the part of the individuals involved:
1. Partners should be able to put their feelings into words. "This is what I'm feeling right now", "This is what I think"
- If you feel the same thing over something, then you are matched .
- Men have difficulty in expressing what is going on inside of them than do women.
- Men have been conditioned to hold in their emotions.
2. The second skill a couple must have or learn is hearing and understanding the other person.
- In your search for a mate, make sure that you find a person who is not only good at talking, but is also good at listening to you that makes intimacy possible.
3. The 3rd aspect of good communication is the ability to accurately understand the meaning of what your patner is saying, to be able to repeat it back to him or her for clarification and then dig deper.
- To have a successful marriage, you and your partner must have a similar desire to communicate, a willingness to continually work at communication and the ability to do so. When both partners maintain the interest in good communication and the skills to keep going deeper with each other, there is no end to the depth of love that can be experienced in marriage.
You have probably heard someone says, "Communication is the lifeblood of a great marriage" and it is, but what does that really mean?
- Good communication requires 3 active efforts on the part of the individuals involved:
1. Partners should be able to put their feelings into words. "This is what I'm feeling right now", "This is what I think"
- If you feel the same thing over something, then you are matched .
- Men have difficulty in expressing what is going on inside of them than do women.
- Men have been conditioned to hold in their emotions.
2. The second skill a couple must have or learn is hearing and understanding the other person.
- In your search for a mate, make sure that you find a person who is not only good at talking, but is also good at listening to you that makes intimacy possible.
3. The 3rd aspect of good communication is the ability to accurately understand the meaning of what your patner is saying, to be able to repeat it back to him or her for clarification and then dig deper.
- To have a successful marriage, you and your partner must have a similar desire to communicate, a willingness to continually work at communication and the ability to do so. When both partners maintain the interest in good communication and the skills to keep going deeper with each other, there is no end to the depth of love that can be experienced in marriage.
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
AUTONOMY VERSUS CLOSENESS
NUGGET 23:DESIRE FOR AUTONOMY VERSUS CLOSENESS-2nd August 2011
- Some people love solitude; others loathe it. Many people enjoy being alone and can handle it much better than others. They can work for hours in isolation, not talking with anyone or interacting a great deal with the outside world. Many artistic and creative people fall into this category.
- If you are in a relationship with this sort of person, he doesn't want you to be with him everywhere he goes.
- Some people are natural extroverts- they not only want to be around people a lot;they need to be around people especially you;she can't get enough of you; she wants you with her all the time;she's a high-maintenance woman and you are perpetually on call.
- If your partner is the kind of person who "needs a lot of space," that's fine, but if you need him or her to be there for you in a regular basis, it could spell trouble in your relationship.
- Some people prefer autonomy because they don't like being accountable to anyone.
- Studies indicate that the best marriage involve people who have a similar need to be alone or similar need for more closeness.
- People change but not much.
Regards
Kiago
- Some people love solitude; others loathe it. Many people enjoy being alone and can handle it much better than others. They can work for hours in isolation, not talking with anyone or interacting a great deal with the outside world. Many artistic and creative people fall into this category.
- If you are in a relationship with this sort of person, he doesn't want you to be with him everywhere he goes.
- Some people are natural extroverts- they not only want to be around people a lot;they need to be around people especially you;she can't get enough of you; she wants you with her all the time;she's a high-maintenance woman and you are perpetually on call.
- If your partner is the kind of person who "needs a lot of space," that's fine, but if you need him or her to be there for you in a regular basis, it could spell trouble in your relationship.
- Some people prefer autonomy because they don't like being accountable to anyone.
- Studies indicate that the best marriage involve people who have a similar need to be alone or similar need for more closeness.
- People change but not much.
Regards
Kiago
Sunday, July 31, 2011
VITALITY AND SECURITY
NUGGET 22;: YOUR VITALITY AND SECURITY- 1st August 2011
- In relationships men want women who look healthy and vital; women want men who can offer security.
- A woman wants a man who will help her to create a home in which she can feel safe; a lifestyle in which she can have and raise children in a healthy, secure environment;and doesn't want to have worry about where the food,clothing or rent money is coming from.
- Most women want a man who provide economic, emotional and physical security,especially during the child bearing years.Interestingly, this desire doesn't change even among women who have achieved outstanding success in their careers.
- Most women also prefer men with whom they can be "emotionally naked"-secure enough in the relationship to be vulnerable and expose their deepest dreams, hopes, and desires without fear of condemnation or humiliation.
- Women also want to feel physically protected. They want to know that if accosted, insulted, or threatened in any way,her husband will not stand by idly, and watch her get hurt.
-If you know that you couldn't possibly live with a person who cannot provide the security you need,you are fooling yourself to think you can be happy in a long term relationship with that person.
- If you are not satisfied with that person now, you will be much less satisfied with him/her 20 years from now.
- If this person matches up well with what you know you need,it will bring tremendous peace and confidence into your life.
Choose wisely,
Kiago
- In relationships men want women who look healthy and vital; women want men who can offer security.
- A woman wants a man who will help her to create a home in which she can feel safe; a lifestyle in which she can have and raise children in a healthy, secure environment;and doesn't want to have worry about where the food,clothing or rent money is coming from.
- Most women want a man who provide economic, emotional and physical security,especially during the child bearing years.Interestingly, this desire doesn't change even among women who have achieved outstanding success in their careers.
- Most women also prefer men with whom they can be "emotionally naked"-secure enough in the relationship to be vulnerable and expose their deepest dreams, hopes, and desires without fear of condemnation or humiliation.
- Women also want to feel physically protected. They want to know that if accosted, insulted, or threatened in any way,her husband will not stand by idly, and watch her get hurt.
-If you know that you couldn't possibly live with a person who cannot provide the security you need,you are fooling yourself to think you can be happy in a long term relationship with that person.
- If you are not satisfied with that person now, you will be much less satisfied with him/her 20 years from now.
- If this person matches up well with what you know you need,it will bring tremendous peace and confidence into your life.
Choose wisely,
Kiago
CURIOSITY
NUGGET 21: YOUR CURIOSITY-31St July 2011
-Some people are naturally curious it is part of their core personality traits- they want to know how things work, why people do the things they do, what ,makes the difference between success or failure, what something looks, tastes, or feels like.
- They have a natural inquisitiveness and will ask you a million questions about everything from "what's it like to be a counsellor?" "why do you like to wear a blue shirt? they are not being snoopy, they honestly are fascinated with the details.
- A couple may be passing by a neighbourhood and one says "Oh look at the progress they are making on that new house upon the hill" The other says, "That is great, did you notice they still haven't fixed that brick on the curb." This is curiosity but not to the same things.
- Some people read newspapers to satisfy their curiosity, other watch news for information(this is curiosity)
- Having dissimilar amounts of curiosity would not necessarily be a deal breaker in a relationship, but it is something to consider seriously. People enjoy greater satisfaction if they relate more easily in this dimension.
-Some people are naturally curious it is part of their core personality traits- they want to know how things work, why people do the things they do, what ,makes the difference between success or failure, what something looks, tastes, or feels like.
- They have a natural inquisitiveness and will ask you a million questions about everything from "what's it like to be a counsellor?" "why do you like to wear a blue shirt? they are not being snoopy, they honestly are fascinated with the details.
- A couple may be passing by a neighbourhood and one says "Oh look at the progress they are making on that new house upon the hill" The other says, "That is great, did you notice they still haven't fixed that brick on the curb." This is curiosity but not to the same things.
- Some people read newspapers to satisfy their curiosity, other watch news for information(this is curiosity)
- Having dissimilar amounts of curiosity would not necessarily be a deal breaker in a relationship, but it is something to consider seriously. People enjoy greater satisfaction if they relate more easily in this dimension.
Saturday, July 30, 2011
INDUSTRY
NUGGET 20-SIMILARITY OR DIFFERENCE IN INDUSTRY-30th July 2011
This is a person's attitude and orientation towards work.
- Industry is slightly different from energy and ambition. A person could have a lot of energy and ambition but spend his or her life outside picking up rocks.The person with industry may say, "and if that doesn't work, I will study and become a palaeontologist. I will work hard and make something good out of these rocks, regardless of what it takes."
- The industrious person says' I will do whatever is necessary to succeed in my chosen field of endevour.
- If one person is a hard worker and the other is always trying to get out of work or avoids or ignores it, tension is going to be created in the relationship.
- A lazy person and an industrious person are sure to disagree on many of the basic issues of life, including everything from what time to get up, go to bed, to how to spend weekends or vacations.
- To ensure the greatest amount of satisfaction in marriage, you should seek to be matched with someone who is very similar to you in the industry dimension.
Remain Blessed
Kiago
This is a person's attitude and orientation towards work.
- Industry is slightly different from energy and ambition. A person could have a lot of energy and ambition but spend his or her life outside picking up rocks.The person with industry may say, "and if that doesn't work, I will study and become a palaeontologist. I will work hard and make something good out of these rocks, regardless of what it takes."
- The industrious person says' I will do whatever is necessary to succeed in my chosen field of endevour.
- If one person is a hard worker and the other is always trying to get out of work or avoids or ignores it, tension is going to be created in the relationship.
- A lazy person and an industrious person are sure to disagree on many of the basic issues of life, including everything from what time to get up, go to bed, to how to spend weekends or vacations.
- To ensure the greatest amount of satisfaction in marriage, you should seek to be matched with someone who is very similar to you in the industry dimension.
Remain Blessed
Kiago
Thursday, July 28, 2011
VALUES
NUGGET 19: MY VALUES VERSUS YOUR VALUES-29th July 2011
Most people tend to hold their value close to their hearts. Certainly you want to be closely aligned with your partner on any strongly held beliefs or convictions, including your attitude towards faith, patriotism, how to raise children, or a host of ethical and character issues.
-It is also critical for marital partners to have similar values concerning the everyday essentials of living for instance, if you have a value that promotes saving money, opposed to a value of spending money lavishly on yourself.You don't want to marry a person whose value in this area is too dissimilar to yours.
- If you and your partner are not similar in your attitudes toward the earnings, saving, giving and spending of money, you are getting yourself up for a lifetime of struggles if you get married.
- Money matters so much because many of us believe that money is power, to some it means security, control or also independence.
- You may be reluctant to admit it, but your money is a reflection of you. It means it is simple to see where your priorities, commitments and other values lie merely by examining how you earn and spend your money. The way we use money reflects our security or insecurities in the are of our self-conception.
- Also check your values on political and socials issues. If you value caring for the need, you don't want to marry someone who is not moved by their infirmities.
I remain Blessed
Kiago
Most people tend to hold their value close to their hearts. Certainly you want to be closely aligned with your partner on any strongly held beliefs or convictions, including your attitude towards faith, patriotism, how to raise children, or a host of ethical and character issues.
-It is also critical for marital partners to have similar values concerning the everyday essentials of living for instance, if you have a value that promotes saving money, opposed to a value of spending money lavishly on yourself.You don't want to marry a person whose value in this area is too dissimilar to yours.
- If you and your partner are not similar in your attitudes toward the earnings, saving, giving and spending of money, you are getting yourself up for a lifetime of struggles if you get married.
- Money matters so much because many of us believe that money is power, to some it means security, control or also independence.
- You may be reluctant to admit it, but your money is a reflection of you. It means it is simple to see where your priorities, commitments and other values lie merely by examining how you earn and spend your money. The way we use money reflects our security or insecurities in the are of our self-conception.
- Also check your values on political and socials issues. If you value caring for the need, you don't want to marry someone who is not moved by their infirmities.
I remain Blessed
Kiago
ARTISTIC PASSION
NUGGET 18: SIMILARITY OR DIFFERENT ARTISTIC PASSION-28th July 2011
- Most of us enjoy the creative arts.We love to hear a great singer or a skilled instrumentalist , perform,or to visit an art gallery in which the works of the masters are displayed.we appreciate a beautiful poem or a finely crafted novel.
- Artistic persons are better married to artistic persons. If a person who has a great deal of artistic passion and has little appreciation for it, that relationship is compromised before it even gets started.
- If you love a violin,don't marry the person who has never heard violin concert but loves cowboys.
-For many people who are artistically inclined, their art is central to their lives. It is not merely something they enjoy it,it is something they live and breath.
- Interestingly a person with alot of artistic passion often also has a high level of sexual passion. But if they do not find you present,involved and appreciative of their artistic passion, the sexual aspect of the relationship will diminish accordingly.
- Many artistic people are non-traditional,many are loners and non-conformists.
- Our education system do not acknowledge people of artistic nature.They end up being lone rangers.
- If you and your partner share a mutual level of artistic passion, you may be able to overlook other deficiencies. If you are strong in artistic passion, then there is a guarantee that your soul-mate will be strong in that area as well.
Sorry for the delay...
Kiago
- Most of us enjoy the creative arts.We love to hear a great singer or a skilled instrumentalist , perform,or to visit an art gallery in which the works of the masters are displayed.we appreciate a beautiful poem or a finely crafted novel.
- Artistic persons are better married to artistic persons. If a person who has a great deal of artistic passion and has little appreciation for it, that relationship is compromised before it even gets started.
- If you love a violin,don't marry the person who has never heard violin concert but loves cowboys.
-For many people who are artistically inclined, their art is central to their lives. It is not merely something they enjoy it,it is something they live and breath.
- Interestingly a person with alot of artistic passion often also has a high level of sexual passion. But if they do not find you present,involved and appreciative of their artistic passion, the sexual aspect of the relationship will diminish accordingly.
- Many artistic people are non-traditional,many are loners and non-conformists.
- Our education system do not acknowledge people of artistic nature.They end up being lone rangers.
- If you and your partner share a mutual level of artistic passion, you may be able to overlook other deficiencies. If you are strong in artistic passion, then there is a guarantee that your soul-mate will be strong in that area as well.
Sorry for the delay...
Kiago
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
SEXUAL PASSION
NUGGET 17: SEXUAL PASSION; 27th July 2011-12-20
A couple visited a therapist to express their feeling on their sexual life; she complained, “He wants sex all the time. At least 4 times a week” on a split screen, he tells the doctor they almost never have sex: “Four times a week at most.”
- This dimension is one which partners who want a good relationship must be rather closely matched.
- It simply makes good sense that in this most intimate of human interaction, a man and a woman ought to have similar attitudes, interests and desires.
- If a man has a great deal of testosterone and his wife has low sexual desire that is a formula for trouble. The man will feel rejected and the woman will feel badgered, manipulated and used every time he pushes her for more sexual intimacy.
- A woman wants to know what a man is thinking, what he is feeling, she wants him to care about her and to be interested in what she is thinking and feeling before she ever considers sharing her body with him. Men think, “Let’s just have sex and then we’ll talk...if we absolutely must.”
- If you have been with the same man for a while, and he never pressures you for sex and never wants to “take you out to the woods”, and if he never wants to play his radio in the car with the headlights off and no moon in the sky, and if he never really puts the pressure on you to make an important boundary decision in the area of sex, be careful of that man!
- You want a marriage partner who is highly sexualized.
- If you want to make a determination about how you will do sexually with a man, KISS HIM. The kiss is the best diagnostic devise known to mankind for determining how you and your mate’s level of sexual excitement will compare. If imaginary flames fly all around you when your lips touch, then you know that you probably have plenty of passion there.
- Sexual bonding before marriage reduces objectivity. Therapists discourage sexual involvement with your partner before marriage.
- The desire to touch, kiss hold each other and other physical expressions flow naturally in a truly loving relationship. To give free reign to them before you are married is foolish. Have self-discipline.
- One day a pilot was flying into a busy airport during a storm, just as the plane was about to touch down, he made a split-second decision to lift back-up. What the passengers didn’t know at the time was that another plane was coming in on the same runway from the opposite direction. After landing he explained to the passengers: “Oh I made that decision 15 years ago”. He had learnt to deal with crisis while in college. We also need to learn how to deal/ control sexual passion before venturing into marriage. If you cannot control your sexual passion before marriage, you will not control it in marriage.
- Prepare for marriage before getting into it.....
I remain blessed
Kiago.
A couple visited a therapist to express their feeling on their sexual life; she complained, “He wants sex all the time. At least 4 times a week” on a split screen, he tells the doctor they almost never have sex: “Four times a week at most.”
- This dimension is one which partners who want a good relationship must be rather closely matched.
- It simply makes good sense that in this most intimate of human interaction, a man and a woman ought to have similar attitudes, interests and desires.
- If a man has a great deal of testosterone and his wife has low sexual desire that is a formula for trouble. The man will feel rejected and the woman will feel badgered, manipulated and used every time he pushes her for more sexual intimacy.
- A woman wants to know what a man is thinking, what he is feeling, she wants him to care about her and to be interested in what she is thinking and feeling before she ever considers sharing her body with him. Men think, “Let’s just have sex and then we’ll talk...if we absolutely must.”
- If you have been with the same man for a while, and he never pressures you for sex and never wants to “take you out to the woods”, and if he never wants to play his radio in the car with the headlights off and no moon in the sky, and if he never really puts the pressure on you to make an important boundary decision in the area of sex, be careful of that man!
- You want a marriage partner who is highly sexualized.
- If you want to make a determination about how you will do sexually with a man, KISS HIM. The kiss is the best diagnostic devise known to mankind for determining how you and your mate’s level of sexual excitement will compare. If imaginary flames fly all around you when your lips touch, then you know that you probably have plenty of passion there.
- Sexual bonding before marriage reduces objectivity. Therapists discourage sexual involvement with your partner before marriage.
- The desire to touch, kiss hold each other and other physical expressions flow naturally in a truly loving relationship. To give free reign to them before you are married is foolish. Have self-discipline.
- One day a pilot was flying into a busy airport during a storm, just as the plane was about to touch down, he made a split-second decision to lift back-up. What the passengers didn’t know at the time was that another plane was coming in on the same runway from the opposite direction. After landing he explained to the passengers: “Oh I made that decision 15 years ago”. He had learnt to deal with crisis while in college. We also need to learn how to deal/ control sexual passion before venturing into marriage. If you cannot control your sexual passion before marriage, you will not control it in marriage.
- Prepare for marriage before getting into it.....
I remain blessed
Kiago.
Monday, July 25, 2011
AMBITION
NUGGET 16: AMBITION; 26th July 2011
If you have ever tried to motivate a person with low ambition, you probably understand well what we mean by disparity and parity in ambition.
- Matching in ambition is not primarily a matter of how much ambition you and your partner have; the important issue is that you have similar amounts of ambition.
- A highly motivated, competitive, zealous, “Get-up-get-moving-get-ahead” type of person is simply not going to enjoy being married to a person who is content with the status quo and merely wants to “kick back and enjoy life”
- If there is a great discrepancy between the amount of ambition the two partners possess, inevitably there will be stress and increased conflict in that relationship. One person passionately wants to pursue his or her goals while the other person resents the time, effort, money and energy expended to do so.
- Problems due to differences in ambition levels will surface most often within the first 5 to 10 years of marriage. Unquestionably this is why so many people on a fast track in their careers have trouble holding their marriages together.
- Men and women who pour themselves into their careers – some because the career demands it, other s because they are simply so passionate about it- have little left to give to their spouses at a time when the spouses really need them.
- Two people, who are on similar tracks regarding ambition, can be tremendous encouragers to each other.
- If you find someone with whom you can share a similar level of ambition, your life together can be one of contentment, even when you are working in some frenetic way to accomplish a task, beat a deadline, or meet a need.
- Just make sure that you both match in regard to ambition. Otherwise, your relationship is likely to suffer, especially in the area of sexual passion and intimacy.
I remain blessed
Kiago.
If you have ever tried to motivate a person with low ambition, you probably understand well what we mean by disparity and parity in ambition.
- Matching in ambition is not primarily a matter of how much ambition you and your partner have; the important issue is that you have similar amounts of ambition.
- A highly motivated, competitive, zealous, “Get-up-get-moving-get-ahead” type of person is simply not going to enjoy being married to a person who is content with the status quo and merely wants to “kick back and enjoy life”
- If there is a great discrepancy between the amount of ambition the two partners possess, inevitably there will be stress and increased conflict in that relationship. One person passionately wants to pursue his or her goals while the other person resents the time, effort, money and energy expended to do so.
- Problems due to differences in ambition levels will surface most often within the first 5 to 10 years of marriage. Unquestionably this is why so many people on a fast track in their careers have trouble holding their marriages together.
- Men and women who pour themselves into their careers – some because the career demands it, other s because they are simply so passionate about it- have little left to give to their spouses at a time when the spouses really need them.
- Two people, who are on similar tracks regarding ambition, can be tremendous encouragers to each other.
- If you find someone with whom you can share a similar level of ambition, your life together can be one of contentment, even when you are working in some frenetic way to accomplish a task, beat a deadline, or meet a need.
- Just make sure that you both match in regard to ambition. Otherwise, your relationship is likely to suffer, especially in the area of sexual passion and intimacy.
I remain blessed
Kiago.
TRADITIONAL VERSUS NON-TRADITIONAL.
NUGGET 15 TRADITIONAL VERSUS NON-TRADITONAL PERSONALITY TYPES 25/07/2011
• If one person likes life to be rather predictable and prefers to plan for events such as birthday parties, vacations or weddings, you are probably dealing with a traditional type of personality.
• On the other hand, if you or your partner loves to just “go with the flow” doing what comes naturally or whatever happens to inspire at the moment, you should expect a lot of spontaneity and non-traditional personality quirks.
• The problem of curse is that when a planner and a free spirit get together; you will usually end up with friction leading to spontaneous combustion.
• Sometimes non traditional people have grown up with frustration and anger in relation to the pressures of societal customs, their anger is buried deeply in within or expressed in more acceptable ways; promoting fragrantly anti-traditional lifestyles, as can be seen in many activists groups.
• The non-traditional are saying. “I’ve been hurt and I’m mad, and i am not going to confirm to you or anyone else”. They carry their social anger with them long after the fact they do not want to give the traditional society any credit.
• Other non-traditional types simply enjoy the freedom to be different. They don’t want to be encumbered by the constraints of “Norman society” . they regard traditionalism as boring.
• If you are a traditionalist type try to maintain a relationship with a non-traditional person, it can keep you feeling disorganized and disconcerted.
• What complicates matters more is that people with opposite personality traits often find each other extremely attractive. Mark Twain observed that there are two kinds of people in this world; one who is always ten minute early, and another ten minutes late. Furthermore, Twain added sardonically, “ They are always married to each other!”
• Opposites do attract, they click for a while because they complement other. If they happen to marry, person proceed to pursue the prime purpose of marriage (in their mind at least) attempting to change his or her partner into a reproduction of himself or herself.
• If one person likes life to be rather predictable and prefers to plan for events such as birthday parties, vacations or weddings, you are probably dealing with a traditional type of personality.
• On the other hand, if you or your partner loves to just “go with the flow” doing what comes naturally or whatever happens to inspire at the moment, you should expect a lot of spontaneity and non-traditional personality quirks.
• The problem of curse is that when a planner and a free spirit get together; you will usually end up with friction leading to spontaneous combustion.
• Sometimes non traditional people have grown up with frustration and anger in relation to the pressures of societal customs, their anger is buried deeply in within or expressed in more acceptable ways; promoting fragrantly anti-traditional lifestyles, as can be seen in many activists groups.
• The non-traditional are saying. “I’ve been hurt and I’m mad, and i am not going to confirm to you or anyone else”. They carry their social anger with them long after the fact they do not want to give the traditional society any credit.
• Other non-traditional types simply enjoy the freedom to be different. They don’t want to be encumbered by the constraints of “Norman society” . they regard traditionalism as boring.
• If you are a traditionalist type try to maintain a relationship with a non-traditional person, it can keep you feeling disorganized and disconcerted.
• What complicates matters more is that people with opposite personality traits often find each other extremely attractive. Mark Twain observed that there are two kinds of people in this world; one who is always ten minute early, and another ten minutes late. Furthermore, Twain added sardonically, “ They are always married to each other!”
• Opposites do attract, they click for a while because they complement other. If they happen to marry, person proceed to pursue the prime purpose of marriage (in their mind at least) attempting to change his or her partner into a reproduction of himself or herself.
Sunday, July 24, 2011
MOOD MANAGEMENT
NUGGET 14: MOOD SWINGS: 24th July 2011
- Dealing with somebody who suffers from extreme mood fluctuations is tricky business. If you or your partner has big fluctuations in moods, you need to be able to handle that or at-least be tolerant of it.
- Some mood changes are the result of diet. When a person doesn't eat, he or she gets snippy. A piece of fruit, or some quick-energy snack may save you from a divorce if you are married to a person who suffers from severe mood swings.
- When people get extremely stressed or fatigued they can become unusually irritable.
- If mood fluctuations are frequent and extreme, be very careful about entering a long term relationship with that person.It is critical that a couple be aware of any such fluctuations before getting married.
- You don't want to wake up next to someone for the rest of your life who may be ready one day to kiss you passionately and the next day to bite your head off. Consistency is the key to a good match in the area of mood management.
- Discuss with your partner cases of mood swings before marriage.
Have a blessed Sunday
I remain Blessed
Kiago
- Dealing with somebody who suffers from extreme mood fluctuations is tricky business. If you or your partner has big fluctuations in moods, you need to be able to handle that or at-least be tolerant of it.
- Some mood changes are the result of diet. When a person doesn't eat, he or she gets snippy. A piece of fruit, or some quick-energy snack may save you from a divorce if you are married to a person who suffers from severe mood swings.
- When people get extremely stressed or fatigued they can become unusually irritable.
- If mood fluctuations are frequent and extreme, be very careful about entering a long term relationship with that person.It is critical that a couple be aware of any such fluctuations before getting married.
- You don't want to wake up next to someone for the rest of your life who may be ready one day to kiss you passionately and the next day to bite your head off. Consistency is the key to a good match in the area of mood management.
- Discuss with your partner cases of mood swings before marriage.
Have a blessed Sunday
I remain Blessed
Kiago
Saturday, July 23, 2011
SENSE OF HUMOUR
NUGGET 13: APPRECIATING HUMOR: 23rd July 2011
- A good sense of humor shows up on virtually every "mate shopping list" In fact, a mutual ability to laugh is always in the top five on everybody's lists. "Smile; it will increase your face-value"
- Humor contributes a wealth of highly therapiutic elements to a mariage.
- The old saying "laughter is good medicine" is really true, especially when a marriage is going through tough times, a period of stress, calamity, or struggle.
- Marriages in which there is little laughter tend to do worse during the good times and much worse during the bad times.
- You don't need to be able to generate humor to have a good marriage. Nor is it important that you have the same ability to be witty as your partner. You just need to be able to appreciate humor.
- Who would like to live with a stone-faced person who doesn't acknowledge anything funny?
- When you and your partner laugh at the same things, it may indicate that you have similar values: it may reflect that you have similar intelligence and the same ability to take in and process information.
- If one person gets humor in a joke but the other doesn't, be careful. If a person has a tendency to not get a joke, what does that say about his/her outlook on life, educational background, family background, or overall general attitude?
- If your partner is constantly laughing at his or her own jokes, it may reflect problems in the areas of self-conception, nervousness and discomfort within herself or himself.
- Certainly, what we laugh t says something about a person's character. If your partner's or your own humor centers around meanness, or other people's misfortune, mistakes, or inabilities, watch out. If someone has a sense of humor that is riddled with sarcasm, sprinkled with cutting remarks that can verbally chop a person off at the knees in one swipe, be very careful. While that humor may be extremely funny before you are married, after you are married can be sure that same sarcasm will be aimed at you, and it won't feel so funny.
- Listen carefully to what you laugh about in your relationship.
- Humor that is about somebody else pain will ultimately bring a relationship into a less healthy place.
I remain blessed
Kiago
- A good sense of humor shows up on virtually every "mate shopping list" In fact, a mutual ability to laugh is always in the top five on everybody's lists. "Smile; it will increase your face-value"
- Humor contributes a wealth of highly therapiutic elements to a mariage.
- The old saying "laughter is good medicine" is really true, especially when a marriage is going through tough times, a period of stress, calamity, or struggle.
- Marriages in which there is little laughter tend to do worse during the good times and much worse during the bad times.
- You don't need to be able to generate humor to have a good marriage. Nor is it important that you have the same ability to be witty as your partner. You just need to be able to appreciate humor.
- Who would like to live with a stone-faced person who doesn't acknowledge anything funny?
- When you and your partner laugh at the same things, it may indicate that you have similar values: it may reflect that you have similar intelligence and the same ability to take in and process information.
- If one person gets humor in a joke but the other doesn't, be careful. If a person has a tendency to not get a joke, what does that say about his/her outlook on life, educational background, family background, or overall general attitude?
- If your partner is constantly laughing at his or her own jokes, it may reflect problems in the areas of self-conception, nervousness and discomfort within herself or himself.
- Certainly, what we laugh t says something about a person's character. If your partner's or your own humor centers around meanness, or other people's misfortune, mistakes, or inabilities, watch out. If someone has a sense of humor that is riddled with sarcasm, sprinkled with cutting remarks that can verbally chop a person off at the knees in one swipe, be very careful. While that humor may be extremely funny before you are married, after you are married can be sure that same sarcasm will be aimed at you, and it won't feel so funny.
- Listen carefully to what you laugh about in your relationship.
- Humor that is about somebody else pain will ultimately bring a relationship into a less healthy place.
I remain blessed
Kiago
Thursday, July 21, 2011
APPEARANCE
NUGGET 12: THE LOOKS-22nd July 2011
If there is any dimension in which most people feel competent to select their potential marriage partners,it is the area of appearance.
- Ask most men or women what type of look they like in the opposite sex,and few will have difficulty in telling you.
- Everyone wants to be matched with someone who is attractive, but how attractive? What level of attractiveness is reasonable for you to desire in a potential partner?
- If you are average-looking person, who aspires to marry someone who looks as though they just stepped out of s fashion magazine, you will probably be disappointed.
- Super-attractive people usually marry super-attractive people. We "Commoners", do better with fellow commoners.
- Most men and women are much more comfortable being matched with someone in a range of attractiveness similar to their own.
- Men usually rate themselves abit higher than an objective group of their peers might rate them; women,however,tend to rate themselves lower on an appearance scale.Even fashion models have a diminished view of their own appearance.
- In searching for a mate, you should migrate toward people who appreciate your type of appearance, the same features that other people may not appreciate as much. If you come from a family where the valued standard of beauty is dark hair and skin, you are more likely to find acceptance in groups that looks alot like your relatives. They might rat you higher on appearance simply because they value that particular look.
- Once you are hooked on your partner's appearance, you are tempted to overlook important deficiencies and sometimes glaring inconsistencies in his or her life.
- Appearance tends to become less important in a relationship as the years pass.But character issues and traits such as kindness and compassion will still be important, and will usually go up in value over the years.
- Beyond that, we all are in a losing battle with age. The secret to contentment is to be happy with your body at whatever age you happen to be. Do the best you can to care for your appearance,but if you concentrate on the inner person,you will be more likely to find your soul mate.
- What is more beautiful than two elderly grandparents whose skin may be abit wrinkled,but the sparkle in their eyes for each other is undiminished?
Regards,
Kiago
If there is any dimension in which most people feel competent to select their potential marriage partners,it is the area of appearance.
- Ask most men or women what type of look they like in the opposite sex,and few will have difficulty in telling you.
- Everyone wants to be matched with someone who is attractive, but how attractive? What level of attractiveness is reasonable for you to desire in a potential partner?
- If you are average-looking person, who aspires to marry someone who looks as though they just stepped out of s fashion magazine, you will probably be disappointed.
- Super-attractive people usually marry super-attractive people. We "Commoners", do better with fellow commoners.
- Most men and women are much more comfortable being matched with someone in a range of attractiveness similar to their own.
- Men usually rate themselves abit higher than an objective group of their peers might rate them; women,however,tend to rate themselves lower on an appearance scale.Even fashion models have a diminished view of their own appearance.
- In searching for a mate, you should migrate toward people who appreciate your type of appearance, the same features that other people may not appreciate as much. If you come from a family where the valued standard of beauty is dark hair and skin, you are more likely to find acceptance in groups that looks alot like your relatives. They might rat you higher on appearance simply because they value that particular look.
- Once you are hooked on your partner's appearance, you are tempted to overlook important deficiencies and sometimes glaring inconsistencies in his or her life.
- Appearance tends to become less important in a relationship as the years pass.But character issues and traits such as kindness and compassion will still be important, and will usually go up in value over the years.
- Beyond that, we all are in a losing battle with age. The secret to contentment is to be happy with your body at whatever age you happen to be. Do the best you can to care for your appearance,but if you concentrate on the inner person,you will be more likely to find your soul mate.
- What is more beautiful than two elderly grandparents whose skin may be abit wrinkled,but the sparkle in their eyes for each other is undiminished?
Regards,
Kiago
EDUCATION
NUGGET 11: LEVEL OF EDUCATION: 21st July 2011
- This dimension may be considered more malleable than others. You can go back to school or take online correspondences courses to get more education even if you are retirement age. But it's still wise to count the costs.
- As much as they may desire to do so, most people do not go back to school once they are out of their thirties. Its advisable to look at where you are today when trying to find your soul mate, rather than where you want to be when you complete the next phase of your self-help program.
- Having similar educational backgrounds,matter in marriages. If you are closely matched in your levels of education, at the very minimum you should have a similar appreciation for the value of education and the hard work that it requires.
- Usually educated women need to be matched with men who have equal or better levels of education.
- While it cannot be denied that many marriages work well despite educational inequality, the issue of having a degree becomes more important if your family places a lot of emphasis on "getting your education". If that is your history, you should definitely avoid dating relationships with people of the opposite sex who do not have a good bit of formal education or at least a great appreciation for it and who would find that part of your personality valuable, attractive and appealing.
- A partner who has lower level of education than his/her partner usually has an attitude of"here he/she is looking down at me."
- The disparity in education levels surfaces when you attend parties, meet co-workers and friends and your partner feels embarrassed and awkward.
- If you will find someone who is a lot like you, you can avoid some of the hurt and pain that come from being mismatched in the area of education. Again, it is not a question of how much education you or your partner have or don't have; the important issue is how closely you match.
- While it is impossible to attach grade levels or degrees to marital happiness, it seems that couples who are closer in academic achievements are better matched in other areas as well.
Blessings
Says,
Kiago
- This dimension may be considered more malleable than others. You can go back to school or take online correspondences courses to get more education even if you are retirement age. But it's still wise to count the costs.
- As much as they may desire to do so, most people do not go back to school once they are out of their thirties. Its advisable to look at where you are today when trying to find your soul mate, rather than where you want to be when you complete the next phase of your self-help program.
- Having similar educational backgrounds,matter in marriages. If you are closely matched in your levels of education, at the very minimum you should have a similar appreciation for the value of education and the hard work that it requires.
- Usually educated women need to be matched with men who have equal or better levels of education.
- While it cannot be denied that many marriages work well despite educational inequality, the issue of having a degree becomes more important if your family places a lot of emphasis on "getting your education". If that is your history, you should definitely avoid dating relationships with people of the opposite sex who do not have a good bit of formal education or at least a great appreciation for it and who would find that part of your personality valuable, attractive and appealing.
- A partner who has lower level of education than his/her partner usually has an attitude of"here he/she is looking down at me."
- The disparity in education levels surfaces when you attend parties, meet co-workers and friends and your partner feels embarrassed and awkward.
- If you will find someone who is a lot like you, you can avoid some of the hurt and pain that come from being mismatched in the area of education. Again, it is not a question of how much education you or your partner have or don't have; the important issue is how closely you match.
- While it is impossible to attach grade levels or degrees to marital happiness, it seems that couples who are closer in academic achievements are better matched in other areas as well.
Blessings
Says,
Kiago
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
SPIRITUALITY
NUGGET 10: SIMILARITY OR DIFFERENCE IN SPIRITUALITY- 20th July 2011
- Perhaps in no area is it more crucial to be well matched than in the area of spirituality.
- Spirituality is among those traits that are relatively difficult to change, especially when it seems so much of modern religion tends to focus on conversion from one spiritual state to the another.
- If 2 people are on different wavelengths when it comes to issues of spirituality, one or both of them are going to think the other is a little off his or her rocker!
- People who are not spiritual have difficulty in understanding those who are spiritually inclined.
- People who have similar spiritual perspectives will do much better together.
- Two partners in marriage will have the most satisfaction when they share the most agreement in their faith. Christians are best placed to marry Christians, Jews to Jews, Muslims to Muslims.
- Mixing religious faiths does not make each stronger it dilutes both.
- Within Christianity its good if you marry within your general denomination- Catholics with Catholics, Protestants with Protestants.
- Most world problems are usually of religious origin.
- A marriage is headed for trouble when one person wants to get greatly involved in the church, attend Bible studies, and prayer sessions, give a minimum of 10% 0f his or her income to the church, while the other person has no interest in such matters.
- Discover that marriage, family, and spiritual life belong together. Talk through your spiritual similarities and differences preferably before you get married.
- To have a successful marriage it is important that you and your mate are similar in your beliefs about the role of religion in your lives.
- Two totally irreligious people have better chance of fairing well in marriage than a couple divided by spiritual matters.
- Have a spiritual match!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Regards,
Kiago
- Perhaps in no area is it more crucial to be well matched than in the area of spirituality.
- Spirituality is among those traits that are relatively difficult to change, especially when it seems so much of modern religion tends to focus on conversion from one spiritual state to the another.
- If 2 people are on different wavelengths when it comes to issues of spirituality, one or both of them are going to think the other is a little off his or her rocker!
- People who are not spiritual have difficulty in understanding those who are spiritually inclined.
- People who have similar spiritual perspectives will do much better together.
- Two partners in marriage will have the most satisfaction when they share the most agreement in their faith. Christians are best placed to marry Christians, Jews to Jews, Muslims to Muslims.
- Mixing religious faiths does not make each stronger it dilutes both.
- Within Christianity its good if you marry within your general denomination- Catholics with Catholics, Protestants with Protestants.
- Most world problems are usually of religious origin.
- A marriage is headed for trouble when one person wants to get greatly involved in the church, attend Bible studies, and prayer sessions, give a minimum of 10% 0f his or her income to the church, while the other person has no interest in such matters.
- Discover that marriage, family, and spiritual life belong together. Talk through your spiritual similarities and differences preferably before you get married.
- To have a successful marriage it is important that you and your mate are similar in your beliefs about the role of religion in your lives.
- Two totally irreligious people have better chance of fairing well in marriage than a couple divided by spiritual matters.
- Have a spiritual match!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Regards,
Kiago
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
SIMILAR ENERGY LEVELS
NUGGET 9: ENERGY LEVELS:19th July 2011
Disparity in energy levels causes problems and troubles in many relationships. By energy levels we mean the ability to invest your energy on tasks before you. The duration you can pursue these tasks determines whether your level of energy is high or low. Low energy level persons are at times seen as lazy, while those with high levels of energy are termed as hardworking.
- Marriages in which both partners have similar energy levels seem to be more successful.
- Anytime one person has a lot of energy and the other has little, the satisfaction of both partners is reduced drastically in the marriage. This energy level aspect sometimes come in your sexual relationship where one partner is ready for sex at the slightest encouragement while the other partner says, "Not tonight, sweetheart. I'm tired"
- Two low-energy individuals can get along just fine and be perfectly content, as long as the other areas of their relationship are solid.
- Still some people operate on low wattage. They seem to drag their heels through life, never in a hurry, never highly motivated to do much of anything.
- This dimension is rarely covered by counselors and religious leaders. Commonsense tells us that you want to be married to somebody who is very similar to you in this practical area.
Am blessed,
Says Kiago
Disparity in energy levels causes problems and troubles in many relationships. By energy levels we mean the ability to invest your energy on tasks before you. The duration you can pursue these tasks determines whether your level of energy is high or low. Low energy level persons are at times seen as lazy, while those with high levels of energy are termed as hardworking.
- Marriages in which both partners have similar energy levels seem to be more successful.
- Anytime one person has a lot of energy and the other has little, the satisfaction of both partners is reduced drastically in the marriage. This energy level aspect sometimes come in your sexual relationship where one partner is ready for sex at the slightest encouragement while the other partner says, "Not tonight, sweetheart. I'm tired"
- Two low-energy individuals can get along just fine and be perfectly content, as long as the other areas of their relationship are solid.
- Still some people operate on low wattage. They seem to drag their heels through life, never in a hurry, never highly motivated to do much of anything.
- This dimension is rarely covered by counselors and religious leaders. Commonsense tells us that you want to be married to somebody who is very similar to you in this practical area.
Am blessed,
Says Kiago
Sunday, July 17, 2011
INTELLECT
NUGGET 8- LEVEL OF INTELLIGENCE- 18th July 2011
- We are not talking of education but smartness. Because it is possible to be extremely intelligent without having a formal academic education.
- If one partner has a high intelligence quotient and the other partner's IQ is substantially lower, the couple are likely to be miserable together.
- The level of intellect we have, determines the depth of our communication with our partners. Don't marry someone with whom you would have a discrepancy in levels of intelligence.
- You cannot change your intelligence by reading books, it is a package of genes you inherited from your parents.
- Intelligence Quotient has to do with neural circuits in a person's brain. It relates to the ability to grasp new information, how rapidly the mind functions, how well ideas are conceptualized and information stored in the mind.
- Some people have everyday, commonsense intelligence, and some have "street smarts".
- Please test your IQ from the WEXLER SCALE. Compare your results with those of your partner. Any difference beyond ten is hazardous.
- Intellectual imbalances in marriage causes one person to talk down to the other,or one partner is too intellectually intimidated to ever voice a contrary opinion or stand up for himself or herself.
- Secure services of a qualified therapist to administer some basic IQ tests to you and your partner to avoid misery in your marriage. Make it a fun activity, a valuable learning tool, rather than a threatening experience. BUT take the results seriously.
- If your scores are similar, rejoice or move to examine your relationship in regard to the other dimensions. If your scores are greatly dissimilar i. e. more than 10 (If you and your partner are not in the same league intellectually...be friendlier to your partner and tell him/her the TRUTH)
I remain blessed
Kiago
- We are not talking of education but smartness. Because it is possible to be extremely intelligent without having a formal academic education.
- If one partner has a high intelligence quotient and the other partner's IQ is substantially lower, the couple are likely to be miserable together.
- The level of intellect we have, determines the depth of our communication with our partners. Don't marry someone with whom you would have a discrepancy in levels of intelligence.
- You cannot change your intelligence by reading books, it is a package of genes you inherited from your parents.
- Intelligence Quotient has to do with neural circuits in a person's brain. It relates to the ability to grasp new information, how rapidly the mind functions, how well ideas are conceptualized and information stored in the mind.
- Some people have everyday, commonsense intelligence, and some have "street smarts".
- Please test your IQ from the WEXLER SCALE. Compare your results with those of your partner. Any difference beyond ten is hazardous.
- Intellectual imbalances in marriage causes one person to talk down to the other,or one partner is too intellectually intimidated to ever voice a contrary opinion or stand up for himself or herself.
- Secure services of a qualified therapist to administer some basic IQ tests to you and your partner to avoid misery in your marriage. Make it a fun activity, a valuable learning tool, rather than a threatening experience. BUT take the results seriously.
- If your scores are similar, rejoice or move to examine your relationship in regard to the other dimensions. If your scores are greatly dissimilar i. e. more than 10 (If you and your partner are not in the same league intellectually...be friendlier to your partner and tell him/her the TRUTH)
I remain blessed
Kiago
FAMILY BACKGROUNDS
NUGGET 7: SCREENING FAMILY BACKGROUNDS: 17th July 2011.
This nugget helped me realize the reason I at times behave the way I do. Let me not preempt. We are talking about your partner's family background.
- This is where we check/ look for signs indicating that your partner's background has been unhealthy, warped, dysfunctional family.
- If one or both of you have been raised in a dysfunctional families, it doesn't disqualify you from marriage, but you must make sure that the impact of your upbringing in that family has been recognized and worked through. WHY? Because dysfunctional families breed dysfunctional families. Have evidence that you are free(through psychological counseling).
- In marriage, whether you like it or not, you don't marry merely an individual, you marry the entire family. Get to know to your partners family members, learn about them as much as you can at the earliest juncture as possible.
- Getting into a marital relationship with somebody, who has a very controlling parent can be a major problem for a marriage. That is when in-laws become out-laws.
- The old saying is true in marriage:"In every marriage, there are 6 people, the wife, husband and 2 parents from each side-even if they are deceased.
- When anything threatens your relationship with your family, you automatically recoil. If your partner says something critical about your relatives, you are personally offended.
- 3 things you can do to help determine whether your relationship can withstand the pressures exerted by your family backgrounds:
i) Study your potential partner's family- ask to see old photographs, college and secondary yearbooks, family wedding albums, or anything else that will provide clues to your partner's family background. Ask questions on parents' past history, past occupation, religion,wealth levels etc.
ii) Share your feelings about each others family honestly but sensitively- never criticize your partner's family members to him or her. Rarely will anything constructive come from your critical comments. We tend to defend our family members.
iii) Show both of your families that you care about them. equal treatment of both families is appreciated.
- Invite your family's opinions- the flip side to what you see in your partner's family is what your family sees in you and your partner's relationship.
- When your family doesn't approve of the person you are considering for a serious relationship, do not bar them from expressing their feelings: But make the final decision (the choice is yours).They may have seem something that needs to be addressed in your partner before you commit to this relationship(investigate their view).
- A good decision about a marriage partner is one that is good today, a month from now, ten years from now, and even after your 25th and 50th anniversary.
- If you are walking down the aisle at your wedding and you suddenly realize, "this isn't right for me, STOP! Before you take your vows you are totally free.
N/B. We are through with the 7 screening dimensions. Tomorrow we focus on the core personal dimensions: NUGGET 8: INTELLECT
YOU ARE BLESSED
SAYS
KIAGO
This nugget helped me realize the reason I at times behave the way I do. Let me not preempt. We are talking about your partner's family background.
- This is where we check/ look for signs indicating that your partner's background has been unhealthy, warped, dysfunctional family.
- If one or both of you have been raised in a dysfunctional families, it doesn't disqualify you from marriage, but you must make sure that the impact of your upbringing in that family has been recognized and worked through. WHY? Because dysfunctional families breed dysfunctional families. Have evidence that you are free(through psychological counseling).
- In marriage, whether you like it or not, you don't marry merely an individual, you marry the entire family. Get to know to your partners family members, learn about them as much as you can at the earliest juncture as possible.
- Getting into a marital relationship with somebody, who has a very controlling parent can be a major problem for a marriage. That is when in-laws become out-laws.
- The old saying is true in marriage:"In every marriage, there are 6 people, the wife, husband and 2 parents from each side-even if they are deceased.
- When anything threatens your relationship with your family, you automatically recoil. If your partner says something critical about your relatives, you are personally offended.
- 3 things you can do to help determine whether your relationship can withstand the pressures exerted by your family backgrounds:
i) Study your potential partner's family- ask to see old photographs, college and secondary yearbooks, family wedding albums, or anything else that will provide clues to your partner's family background. Ask questions on parents' past history, past occupation, religion,wealth levels etc.
ii) Share your feelings about each others family honestly but sensitively- never criticize your partner's family members to him or her. Rarely will anything constructive come from your critical comments. We tend to defend our family members.
iii) Show both of your families that you care about them. equal treatment of both families is appreciated.
- Invite your family's opinions- the flip side to what you see in your partner's family is what your family sees in you and your partner's relationship.
- When your family doesn't approve of the person you are considering for a serious relationship, do not bar them from expressing their feelings: But make the final decision (the choice is yours).They may have seem something that needs to be addressed in your partner before you commit to this relationship(investigate their view).
- A good decision about a marriage partner is one that is good today, a month from now, ten years from now, and even after your 25th and 50th anniversary.
- If you are walking down the aisle at your wedding and you suddenly realize, "this isn't right for me, STOP! Before you take your vows you are totally free.
N/B. We are through with the 7 screening dimensions. Tomorrow we focus on the core personal dimensions: NUGGET 8: INTELLECT
YOU ARE BLESSED
SAYS
KIAGO
Saturday, July 16, 2011
UNDERSATNDING ABOUT FAMILY
NUGGET 6: RAISING FAMILIES- 16th July 2011
Halfway their 1st date, Milly and Ezekiel, discovered something. They had been enjoying themselves until Ezekiel made Milly uncomfortable when he uttered this words,"I don't think I can handle children. I don't ever want to have children!"
Milly wasn't sure she understood what he meant. So she asked him, "what did you mean by that?". Ezekiel responded that he was 37 years old and extremely career-oriented and would not see children fitting in his life. Though Ezekiel wanted to get married, he never had and place for children. He never wanted his life to be interrupted by children.
After their date that evening Milly confessed to Ezekiel that she had a desire to raise children in her life and that their relationship was over. This shocked Ezekiel but he had nothing much to do. Milly's decision illustrates a very important principle: "The truth is always friendlier that anything less than the truth"
- Choosing the right person to marry is already a large enough decision. When you want to add the possibility of bringing children into the world, you definitely want to make sure are are both on the same page. The sheer constancy of parenting requires a deep, strong, lasting commitment between a husband and a wife. That's why it is absolutely crucial for you to discuss in detail the idea of having children, will all ramifications, before you get involved in a serious dating relationship that could potential lead to marriage.
- If one person has a strong desire to have children and the other has little to no desire for kids, you may have a great friendship, but please do not get married, regardless of the number of other dimensions in which you may match.
- The number of children should also be discussed, if you can't agree, it will always bring crisis in your marriage. Parenting styles should also be considered, issues of infertility, adoption, acceptable methods of discipline should be clarified, agreed upon before you are married.
- Care should also be taken when you are considering a relationship in which you may be a step parent to your child .
- Ask yourself this questions:
i)Do I really want a baby with this person?
If you are still unclear about what is at stake, ask yourself,
ii) Do I really want to have a teenager with this person?
Having children is rarely the sole cause of marital problems; the pressures of having a baby and raising a family simply exacerbate whatever is already happening in the relationship, positively or negatively. if there are fissures and cracks in the relationship, the additional stress of raising kids will break them wide open. Its naive to think that your relationship with your partner won't change when you have kids. it will and you should expect that. The attention you have been giving each other changes drastically.
- N/B most of us have a tendency to be selfish, even in a well-matched, mutually satisfying relationship. YET NOTHING IN LIFE WILL TEACH YOU HOW TO SURRENDER YOUR RIGHTS IN SACRIFICIAL LOVE MORE THAN HAVING CHILDREN.If you or your partner is not up to that kind of sacrifice, you should reconsider the issue of having a family.
- After your spouse, your children should be number one relationship in life.
- If life was a tennis game, having children would be break point...but it is also advantage:love.
Halfway their 1st date, Milly and Ezekiel, discovered something. They had been enjoying themselves until Ezekiel made Milly uncomfortable when he uttered this words,"I don't think I can handle children. I don't ever want to have children!"
Milly wasn't sure she understood what he meant. So she asked him, "what did you mean by that?". Ezekiel responded that he was 37 years old and extremely career-oriented and would not see children fitting in his life. Though Ezekiel wanted to get married, he never had and place for children. He never wanted his life to be interrupted by children.
After their date that evening Milly confessed to Ezekiel that she had a desire to raise children in her life and that their relationship was over. This shocked Ezekiel but he had nothing much to do. Milly's decision illustrates a very important principle: "The truth is always friendlier that anything less than the truth"
- Choosing the right person to marry is already a large enough decision. When you want to add the possibility of bringing children into the world, you definitely want to make sure are are both on the same page. The sheer constancy of parenting requires a deep, strong, lasting commitment between a husband and a wife. That's why it is absolutely crucial for you to discuss in detail the idea of having children, will all ramifications, before you get involved in a serious dating relationship that could potential lead to marriage.
- If one person has a strong desire to have children and the other has little to no desire for kids, you may have a great friendship, but please do not get married, regardless of the number of other dimensions in which you may match.
- The number of children should also be discussed, if you can't agree, it will always bring crisis in your marriage. Parenting styles should also be considered, issues of infertility, adoption, acceptable methods of discipline should be clarified, agreed upon before you are married.
- Care should also be taken when you are considering a relationship in which you may be a step parent to your child .
- Ask yourself this questions:
i)Do I really want a baby with this person?
If you are still unclear about what is at stake, ask yourself,
ii) Do I really want to have a teenager with this person?
Having children is rarely the sole cause of marital problems; the pressures of having a baby and raising a family simply exacerbate whatever is already happening in the relationship, positively or negatively. if there are fissures and cracks in the relationship, the additional stress of raising kids will break them wide open. Its naive to think that your relationship with your partner won't change when you have kids. it will and you should expect that. The attention you have been giving each other changes drastically.
- N/B most of us have a tendency to be selfish, even in a well-matched, mutually satisfying relationship. YET NOTHING IN LIFE WILL TEACH YOU HOW TO SURRENDER YOUR RIGHTS IN SACRIFICIAL LOVE MORE THAN HAVING CHILDREN.If you or your partner is not up to that kind of sacrifice, you should reconsider the issue of having a family.
- After your spouse, your children should be number one relationship in life.
- If life was a tennis game, having children would be break point...but it is also advantage:love.
Thursday, July 14, 2011
OBSTREPEROUSNESS
NUGGET 5: OBSTREPEROUSNESS 15th July 2011.
This term seems complicated, I had to visit a medical journal to find its meaning only to realize that it is a word that has a very simple meaning.
- Obstreperousness is a word used to describe a person who is Harsh,Critical, Unappreciative, Difficult to Please, and Never satisfied. You don't want to be married to an obstreperous person, no matter how much money he or she has or how great a lover he/she may be.
- These kinds of persons will drain you of every ounce of energy you have and will make life a living hell.
- The colloquial meaning for obstreperousness is similar to that of someone feeling extremely uncomfortable within himself. She is miserable and no matter what you do, or how hard you try you cannot make him happy.
- These kinds of persons are quick to find fault(usually in somebody else) and quick to attribute blame and try to instill guilt. He/she is obsessed with proving the other person wrong and himself right. He/she is negative in her basic attitudes attitude towards life. e. g. you look at a beautiful sunrise and say, "What a gorgeous day!". The obstreperous person looks at the same scene and says, "Yes, but its raining...somewhere!"
- we all know people who are negative, dour, and sour, filled with self-pity or dragging around a victim's mentality, and basically not whole lot of fun to be around.
- Most of these people are quite skilled in subtle trickery when it comes to masking their inner selves in the early stages of personal relationships. They can be quite cooperative and friendly, but don't be fooled.
- They don't know where they want to go in life or what they want. If you get very close to them or get more involved with them, the more you realize it is impossible to please such a person.
- These personalities are called borderline disorders. They are torn between 2 points. They rarely make decisions and when they make one they change it within a short time.
- They are in so much personal pain and are so vengeful, they will go after you with everything they can, they will aim for the jugular.
- For further information on this subject read this masterpiece called: "I hate you-Don't leave me" by Jerold J. Kreisman and Hal Straus (New york;Avon Books, 1991)
This book sums up the dilemma you will find yourself trapped if you continue a relationship with an obstreperous person.
- Don't TRY TO FIX SUCH A PERSON ,AVOID HIM, UNTIL HE/SHE WILLING TO ADMITS THE PROBLEM AND TAKES A STEP TO RECEIVE HELP IN DEALING WITH IT.
We meet tomorrow to understand about families
I remain Blessed
Kiago
This term seems complicated, I had to visit a medical journal to find its meaning only to realize that it is a word that has a very simple meaning.
- Obstreperousness is a word used to describe a person who is Harsh,Critical, Unappreciative, Difficult to Please, and Never satisfied. You don't want to be married to an obstreperous person, no matter how much money he or she has or how great a lover he/she may be.
- These kinds of persons will drain you of every ounce of energy you have and will make life a living hell.
- The colloquial meaning for obstreperousness is similar to that of someone feeling extremely uncomfortable within himself. She is miserable and no matter what you do, or how hard you try you cannot make him happy.
- These kinds of persons are quick to find fault(usually in somebody else) and quick to attribute blame and try to instill guilt. He/she is obsessed with proving the other person wrong and himself right. He/she is negative in her basic attitudes attitude towards life. e. g. you look at a beautiful sunrise and say, "What a gorgeous day!". The obstreperous person looks at the same scene and says, "Yes, but its raining...somewhere!"
- we all know people who are negative, dour, and sour, filled with self-pity or dragging around a victim's mentality, and basically not whole lot of fun to be around.
- Most of these people are quite skilled in subtle trickery when it comes to masking their inner selves in the early stages of personal relationships. They can be quite cooperative and friendly, but don't be fooled.
- They don't know where they want to go in life or what they want. If you get very close to them or get more involved with them, the more you realize it is impossible to please such a person.
- These personalities are called borderline disorders. They are torn between 2 points. They rarely make decisions and when they make one they change it within a short time.
- They are in so much personal pain and are so vengeful, they will go after you with everything they can, they will aim for the jugular.
- For further information on this subject read this masterpiece called: "I hate you-Don't leave me" by Jerold J. Kreisman and Hal Straus (New york;Avon Books, 1991)
This book sums up the dilemma you will find yourself trapped if you continue a relationship with an obstreperous person.
- Don't TRY TO FIX SUCH A PERSON ,AVOID HIM, UNTIL HE/SHE WILLING TO ADMITS THE PROBLEM AND TAKES A STEP TO RECEIVE HELP IN DEALING WITH IT.
We meet tomorrow to understand about families
I remain Blessed
Kiago
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
ANGER MANAGEMENT
NUGGET 4: MANAGEMENT OF ANGER: 14th July 2011
We are in the journey again this time juggling the discords that prevent us from living to our fullest. Anger is okay if managed well. Thank God there are professionals who can help us in managing our anger. Just seek professional counselling. Marriages flourish when this skill is at the peek and collapse if this skill is not developed.
- If you have never gotten angry with one another in a a relationship, or never had a situation where you disagreed adamantly that you really become upset, then you have probably never learnt how to resolve conflicts.
- A good marriage requires/demands that you learn to manage your anger and resolve your conflicts.
- Absence of anger is never a plus in a relationship. At times its as a result of faking/acting. - The wise couple learn to deal with conflicts before they get married.
- Many marriages break every year because the couple do not know how to manage their anger in relation to each other. How a couple handle anger and conflicts can literally make or break the relationship.
HOW NOT TO MANAGE ANGER
- Its good to understand that anger itself is inherently not evil. It is a natural response that can propel persons toward noble goals. Anger can help us to stand up for what is morally right and can cause us to oppose injustice, inequities and oppressive behaviour.
- Anger is different from aggression. Whereas anger is a psychological response to something "wrong", aggression is a destructive response to anger, lashing out in revenge, ridicule, and verbal or physical abuse.
- Handled correctly, anger can be a positive thing. Unfortunately people explode with anger.
- Unbridled anger is expressed through loud yelling, verbal bombshells, pounding a wall or table, face slapping or threats of physical violence. People with these expressions have a problem, they need professional counselling.
- Unresolved anger causes the body's immune system to be weakened, making it more susceptible to attacks.
- There are others who turn their anger inward. They only see what is wrong with life rather than what is right. Thoughts of suicide are common to these people for they feel beaten down and seem to have little hope of seeing change.
- Don't proceed in a relationship if your partner turns anger inward. Let him/her seek first professional help.
- Anger is a secondary emotion. Its a consequence of something else in the relationship. Please try to discover it.
- Do not go to bed before you handle your anger.
- If he/she cannot handle/manage anger, she/he is not ready for the relationship.
Thanks and remain blessed....tomorrow we cover OBSTREPEROUSNESS
I remain
Kiago
We are in the journey again this time juggling the discords that prevent us from living to our fullest. Anger is okay if managed well. Thank God there are professionals who can help us in managing our anger. Just seek professional counselling. Marriages flourish when this skill is at the peek and collapse if this skill is not developed.
- If you have never gotten angry with one another in a a relationship, or never had a situation where you disagreed adamantly that you really become upset, then you have probably never learnt how to resolve conflicts.
- A good marriage requires/demands that you learn to manage your anger and resolve your conflicts.
- Absence of anger is never a plus in a relationship. At times its as a result of faking/acting. - The wise couple learn to deal with conflicts before they get married.
- Many marriages break every year because the couple do not know how to manage their anger in relation to each other. How a couple handle anger and conflicts can literally make or break the relationship.
HOW NOT TO MANAGE ANGER
- Its good to understand that anger itself is inherently not evil. It is a natural response that can propel persons toward noble goals. Anger can help us to stand up for what is morally right and can cause us to oppose injustice, inequities and oppressive behaviour.
- Anger is different from aggression. Whereas anger is a psychological response to something "wrong", aggression is a destructive response to anger, lashing out in revenge, ridicule, and verbal or physical abuse.
- Handled correctly, anger can be a positive thing. Unfortunately people explode with anger.
- Unbridled anger is expressed through loud yelling, verbal bombshells, pounding a wall or table, face slapping or threats of physical violence. People with these expressions have a problem, they need professional counselling.
- Unresolved anger causes the body's immune system to be weakened, making it more susceptible to attacks.
- There are others who turn their anger inward. They only see what is wrong with life rather than what is right. Thoughts of suicide are common to these people for they feel beaten down and seem to have little hope of seeing change.
- Don't proceed in a relationship if your partner turns anger inward. Let him/her seek first professional help.
- Anger is a secondary emotion. Its a consequence of something else in the relationship. Please try to discover it.
- Do not go to bed before you handle your anger.
- If he/she cannot handle/manage anger, she/he is not ready for the relationship.
Thanks and remain blessed....tomorrow we cover OBSTREPEROUSNESS
I remain
Kiago
WATCH OUT FOR RED FLAGS
13th July 2011
NUGGET 3: THE RED FLAGS
Welcome to our today's nugget. Its a nugget that will boost our preparedness to the most dreaded thing:"Marriage" Let's get the ball rolling!!!!!!
Have you ever been by the ocean on a day when the water is rough and choppy, and the undertow is downright dangerous? The lifeguards post red flags all along the beach, warning people to stay out of the water for their own safety. Anyone foolish enough to go in the water when the red flags are flying does so at their own peril.They are just asking for trouble! The lifeguards will continue to fly the flags until the danger has passed and the sea is calm and safe to enjoy again.
- In the realm of relationships, many people ignore the red warning flags, always at their peril, which often involves a partner's pain as well. The red flags may signify the presence of a number of problems, but most often they warn of character disorders, addiction, or neuroses.
- Addiction is: any behavior that negatively affects your health, work, or primary relationships yet you continue to engage in this behavior.
- Many of those seeking relationships do not know that they need someone who is addiction-free if they hope to have a grate marriage.
- Some people drink too much, eat too much, or eat too little: some are addicted to pornography; others are addicted to nicotine, gambling or prescription drugs. Anyone who marries someone who is addicted to anything is asking for trouble.
- If you see any addictions or other serious emotional problems in the person you intend to relate with; these are red fags. Give it at least an year before you reconsider the relationship so that the red flag can be cured. An alcoholic life is usually in grave danger for a lifetime. Let the addict learn to live an addiction-free life on his/her own, not depending on you. All addictions take time to cure, so don't rush the process.
- Addicts become skilled liars and develop intricate webs of deceit to cover their addictive behavior. Any addict must go through professional counseling .
- A neurotic is a person who suffers excessive anxiety that causes him/her to be incapable of handling the everyday challenges and frustrations of life. When anxiety is too high, he or she easily becomes depressed.
- When a person feels threatened by everyday events or problems the response is often to avoid them, or run from the problem rather than facing them. This leads to more problems. Many times depression is the result of insecurity, anger, guilt, shame, or an experience of loss.
- Many divorced individuals experience extreme levels of depression and, conversely, no wonder so many untreated depression cases end up in divorce court. (A vicious cycle!)
- Neurosis can be treated with psychotherapy. The time to treat any neurosis is before you enter a serious dating relationship.
- Another red flag is that some people are impulsive and want the relationship to proceed much too rapidly. "We have known each other for two weeks, and we think we are great together, so why don't we just go ahead and get married?". Often "hyper-spiritual" people slip into this error. "God brought us together, so we are sure it is his will that we marry now"
- SLOW DOWN, IF THE RELATIONSHIP OS OF PREMIUM QUALITY, IT WILL STILL BE THRIVING ONE YEAR FROM NOW.
- Too fast, too young, too eager- these are all warning red flags that should caution you to slow down and take another look at this relationship.
- Beware of "Boomerang" relationships, in which a person is trying to find the healing that he/she did not receive in the a previous relationship. Too often, the person who has not taken the time to process what went wrong, to accept responsibility for his or her actions and attitudes, and make changes accordingly is destined to repeat the problem all over again.
- Pursue a relationship when ALL the red flags are gone. WHAT A JOY!!!!!!!!
N/B: THE SEA SHOULD BE CALM AND THE SAILING SMOOTH. THEN STEP INTO THE RELATIONSHIP WATERS.
Thanks and always remember that you are blessed!!!!!!!!!
Regards
Kiago
NUGGET 3: THE RED FLAGS
Welcome to our today's nugget. Its a nugget that will boost our preparedness to the most dreaded thing:"Marriage" Let's get the ball rolling!!!!!!
Have you ever been by the ocean on a day when the water is rough and choppy, and the undertow is downright dangerous? The lifeguards post red flags all along the beach, warning people to stay out of the water for their own safety. Anyone foolish enough to go in the water when the red flags are flying does so at their own peril.They are just asking for trouble! The lifeguards will continue to fly the flags until the danger has passed and the sea is calm and safe to enjoy again.
- In the realm of relationships, many people ignore the red warning flags, always at their peril, which often involves a partner's pain as well. The red flags may signify the presence of a number of problems, but most often they warn of character disorders, addiction, or neuroses.
- Addiction is: any behavior that negatively affects your health, work, or primary relationships yet you continue to engage in this behavior.
- Many of those seeking relationships do not know that they need someone who is addiction-free if they hope to have a grate marriage.
- Some people drink too much, eat too much, or eat too little: some are addicted to pornography; others are addicted to nicotine, gambling or prescription drugs. Anyone who marries someone who is addicted to anything is asking for trouble.
- If you see any addictions or other serious emotional problems in the person you intend to relate with; these are red fags. Give it at least an year before you reconsider the relationship so that the red flag can be cured. An alcoholic life is usually in grave danger for a lifetime. Let the addict learn to live an addiction-free life on his/her own, not depending on you. All addictions take time to cure, so don't rush the process.
- Addicts become skilled liars and develop intricate webs of deceit to cover their addictive behavior. Any addict must go through professional counseling .
- A neurotic is a person who suffers excessive anxiety that causes him/her to be incapable of handling the everyday challenges and frustrations of life. When anxiety is too high, he or she easily becomes depressed.
- When a person feels threatened by everyday events or problems the response is often to avoid them, or run from the problem rather than facing them. This leads to more problems. Many times depression is the result of insecurity, anger, guilt, shame, or an experience of loss.
- Many divorced individuals experience extreme levels of depression and, conversely, no wonder so many untreated depression cases end up in divorce court. (A vicious cycle!)
- Neurosis can be treated with psychotherapy. The time to treat any neurosis is before you enter a serious dating relationship.
- Another red flag is that some people are impulsive and want the relationship to proceed much too rapidly. "We have known each other for two weeks, and we think we are great together, so why don't we just go ahead and get married?". Often "hyper-spiritual" people slip into this error. "God brought us together, so we are sure it is his will that we marry now"
- SLOW DOWN, IF THE RELATIONSHIP OS OF PREMIUM QUALITY, IT WILL STILL BE THRIVING ONE YEAR FROM NOW.
- Too fast, too young, too eager- these are all warning red flags that should caution you to slow down and take another look at this relationship.
- Beware of "Boomerang" relationships, in which a person is trying to find the healing that he/she did not receive in the a previous relationship. Too often, the person who has not taken the time to process what went wrong, to accept responsibility for his or her actions and attitudes, and make changes accordingly is destined to repeat the problem all over again.
- Pursue a relationship when ALL the red flags are gone. WHAT A JOY!!!!!!!!
N/B: THE SEA SHOULD BE CALM AND THE SAILING SMOOTH. THEN STEP INTO THE RELATIONSHIP WATERS.
Thanks and always remember that you are blessed!!!!!!!!!
Regards
Kiago
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
THE QUALITY OF YOUR SELF -CONCEPTION
12th July 2011- NUGGET 2: EMOTIONAL HEALTH.
the history of a plane is very important before it is purchased. Its service routine and former mechanical breakdowns reveal of its mechanical soundness. Human beings are not an exception,they need check ups to ascertain their emotional health before their commitment in a relationship. Today we focus on Self-conception(this is how you view yourself). Welcome lets take the 2nd step......
- One great question a person asks counselors during counseling is, "What one word would you give me before I commit". The counselor would without hesitation, "GET YOURSELF HEALTHY BEFORE YOU GET YOURSELF MARRIED"
The health we are talking about here is emotional health.
- If you try to build intimacy with another person before you have done the hard work of getting yourself whole and healthy, all your relationships will become attempts to complete yourself.
- A person who has a good self-conception doesn't depend on any one else to provide validation and meaning for life. He/she is strong enough to face life alone if necessary.
- If you don't feel good about yourself and you don't like being who you are, then do not get into a relationship.
- A healthy person will look you in the eyes while talking with you rather than looking at the floor, their hands or somewhere else around the room. He/she is not defensive or anxious even if she/he disagrees with you. He/she does not control the conversation by talking too much. too fast, too loud. He/ she listens intently as you speak.
- Unusual shyness, feeling of worthlessness inadequacy, or insignificance, boastful behavior,or exhibiting bullying characteristics are signs of poor self-conception.
- Healthy people believe that they are significant, authentic,and a have an attitude of self-giving (are free to give love)
- Be careful with selfish characters
- Please observe these 3 things of healthy persons:
i) He/she will be generous with time, money and other resources
ii) He/she will be truthful almost to a fault because an unselfish person hates to see even a hint of deceit.
iii) She/he will be kind. True love always looks for dignity and well-being of the other person. She/ he seeks to give rather than take.
N/B: The relationship between 2 people can be no healthier than the emotional health of the least healthy person..
This ushers us to a one must read nugget tomorrow.
Blessings
Regards
Kiago
the history of a plane is very important before it is purchased. Its service routine and former mechanical breakdowns reveal of its mechanical soundness. Human beings are not an exception,they need check ups to ascertain their emotional health before their commitment in a relationship. Today we focus on Self-conception(this is how you view yourself). Welcome lets take the 2nd step......
- One great question a person asks counselors during counseling is, "What one word would you give me before I commit". The counselor would without hesitation, "GET YOURSELF HEALTHY BEFORE YOU GET YOURSELF MARRIED"
The health we are talking about here is emotional health.
- If you try to build intimacy with another person before you have done the hard work of getting yourself whole and healthy, all your relationships will become attempts to complete yourself.
- A person who has a good self-conception doesn't depend on any one else to provide validation and meaning for life. He/she is strong enough to face life alone if necessary.
- If you don't feel good about yourself and you don't like being who you are, then do not get into a relationship.
- A healthy person will look you in the eyes while talking with you rather than looking at the floor, their hands or somewhere else around the room. He/she is not defensive or anxious even if she/he disagrees with you. He/she does not control the conversation by talking too much. too fast, too loud. He/ she listens intently as you speak.
- Unusual shyness, feeling of worthlessness inadequacy, or insignificance, boastful behavior,or exhibiting bullying characteristics are signs of poor self-conception.
- Healthy people believe that they are significant, authentic,and a have an attitude of self-giving (are free to give love)
- Be careful with selfish characters
- Please observe these 3 things of healthy persons:
i) He/she will be generous with time, money and other resources
ii) He/she will be truthful almost to a fault because an unselfish person hates to see even a hint of deceit.
iii) She/he will be kind. True love always looks for dignity and well-being of the other person. She/ he seeks to give rather than take.
N/B: The relationship between 2 people can be no healthier than the emotional health of the least healthy person..
This ushers us to a one must read nugget tomorrow.
Blessings
Regards
Kiago
Sunday, July 10, 2011
THE 29 NUGGETS CHECKLIST BEFORE YOU SAY I DO
I am moved by the many many relationships dwindling currently having not survived long after their inception. The Bible says it well; "My people have gone into captivity because of lack of Knowledge" This is a true verdict. If I knew of the 29 nuggets, I would have never made some of the serious mistakes that I have made in life. Whatever the case, I can only improve where appropriate. I am going to write the 29 nuggets to be a blessing to anyone who has not had time to peruse relationships' journals and savor their priceless wisdom. I promise you that after reading the 29 nuggets you cannot evade making informed decisions relationally. Please join me on the 29 days flight to a destination of rest, and relationship bliss.
The nuggets are adopted from a book written by Dr. Neil Clark Warren entitled, "falling in love for right reasons- How to find your soul mate"
We will break the 29 nuggets into 4 classes
1. Screening Dimensions- designed to help you avoid troublemakers and to prevent becoming romantically involved with a problematic person.
2. Core personal Dimensions- these are characteristics in you and your partner that are relatively difficult to alter
3. Necessary skills that can be developed
4. Crucial qualities that can be developed
Lets get started! your soul mate is Waiting!
Day 1 (11th July 2011)
THE SCREENING DIMENSIONS
Consist of 7 nuggets
NUGGET 1 Good Character
- No marriage thrives if one of the partners has bad character. Character means: Integrity , Honesty and Moral uprightness.
- If one of the partners in the relationship lies, cheats, or steals, that bad character will eventually undermine the relationship.
- If you or your partner lies, for instance, the first thing to go in your relationship is TRUST.
- People who willfully and regularly lie, exaggerate, or cheat, have no regard for the rights of others. DON'T BE NAIVE, if he lies to someone else, she/ he will eventually lie to you.
- A person with a character disorder is often a smooth talker, a charmer, a person who knows how to say just the right thing to get what he or she wants. They are takers rather than givers.
- Observe carefully how your partner treats waiters and waitresses at a restaurant. If he or she is short, irrational or disrespectful of someone in a serving capacity, you can be quite sure that the same attitude will one day be aimed at you should you proceed with the relationship.
N/B: Good Character is one of the primary keys to a great relationship!!!!!
See you tomorrow as we walk down the nugget number 2
The nuggets are adopted from a book written by Dr. Neil Clark Warren entitled, "falling in love for right reasons- How to find your soul mate"
We will break the 29 nuggets into 4 classes
1. Screening Dimensions- designed to help you avoid troublemakers and to prevent becoming romantically involved with a problematic person.
2. Core personal Dimensions- these are characteristics in you and your partner that are relatively difficult to alter
3. Necessary skills that can be developed
4. Crucial qualities that can be developed
Lets get started! your soul mate is Waiting!
Day 1 (11th July 2011)
THE SCREENING DIMENSIONS
Consist of 7 nuggets
NUGGET 1 Good Character
- No marriage thrives if one of the partners has bad character. Character means: Integrity , Honesty and Moral uprightness.
- If one of the partners in the relationship lies, cheats, or steals, that bad character will eventually undermine the relationship.
- If you or your partner lies, for instance, the first thing to go in your relationship is TRUST.
- People who willfully and regularly lie, exaggerate, or cheat, have no regard for the rights of others. DON'T BE NAIVE, if he lies to someone else, she/ he will eventually lie to you.
- A person with a character disorder is often a smooth talker, a charmer, a person who knows how to say just the right thing to get what he or she wants. They are takers rather than givers.
- Observe carefully how your partner treats waiters and waitresses at a restaurant. If he or she is short, irrational or disrespectful of someone in a serving capacity, you can be quite sure that the same attitude will one day be aimed at you should you proceed with the relationship.
N/B: Good Character is one of the primary keys to a great relationship!!!!!
See you tomorrow as we walk down the nugget number 2
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
POWER IN GRATITUDE
Please 5 things you are grateful to your God for everyday. After 1 month, you will have done 150 entries, after 10 months you will have done 1,500 entries. This will form in you the habit of thanksgiving that is a main ingredient in wealth creation.
With all your getting, be grateful!!!
With all your getting, be grateful!!!
Thursday, April 14, 2011
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“All improvement in your life begins with an improvement in your mental pictures.”
—Brian Tracy
—Brian Tracy
CREATIVITY
"PEOPLE GO INTO BUSINESS TO DO WELL
BUT STAY IN BUSINESS TO DO GOOD" Mahatma Gandhi
"The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources."Einstein
One of the most famous quotes from Albert Einstein is, "Imagination is more important than knowledge." You see, Einstein placed incredible value on creativity. His theories and ideas were all about creativity. He made a toy car for his young son out of shoestring and some boxes—that was creativity. When he was down and out and needed money, he posted an ad for tutoring lessons—that was creativity in making money.
Since Einstein was one of the most accomplished and greatest thinkers of our time, an argument could be made that he was also one of the most creative people of all time. You can know more about your product than anyone and have more degrees than anyone you know, but if you don't have a little bit of creativity to take advantage of what you do have, then it is useless.
Credentials and knowledge will do you little good if you lack the creativity to take advantage of them. Einstein once said, "The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources." I think he was being a little humble and a lot humorous here, but he was once again acknowledging the importance of being creative!
So you may ask yourself, "What is creativity?"
That is an excellent question. Let's go straight to the source to answer it. Einstein said, "Creativity is seeing what others see and thinking what no one else has thought."
Robert Kennedy said the same thing this way: "Some look at things that are and ask, why? I look at things that never were and ask, why not?" Robert Kennedy was talking about creativity, just as Einstein was.
So how do you do it? How do you model the creativity of Albert Einstein? First, we need to address the idea of the limiting belief that you are not creative.
There is a prevailing belief that creativity is an inborn trait—you are either creative or you're not. Well, while creativity is an inborn trait, we are all born with a creative brain (your right cerebral hemisphere) and have many creative skills.
Children are naturally curious and eager to explore the world around them and spend hours playing with toys, making up imaginary friends and pretend games. But as we get older, we begin to lose some of our natural creativity as we learn and use more left-brain thinking skills in school and at work.
Research shows that our propensity to generate original ideas drops from 90% at age 5, to 20% at age 7, and even further to 2% as adults! However, unless you have suffered brain damage in your right hemisphere or had it surgically removed, you still have a creative brain; so you are still creative. It's just that maybe you don't use your creative skills as much as you used to.
Now for the good news! You can reawaken your creative brainpower.
What would Einstein tell you in regard to increasing your creativity? Well, we don't have to guess on that one, because he told us. He said, "The important thing is to not stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing."
Develop the curiosity of a child. Leonardo da Vinci, who is said to have been one of the greatest geniuses of all time, also had this creativity. I don't think that it is a coincidence that Da Vinci and Einstein were both extremely creative and that so many years after their deaths we are still talking about them. Let me give you a few of Da Vinci's credentials.
Five hundred years ago, Da Vinci:
- drew blueprints for the world's first helicopter
- drew blueprints for a submarine
- built an extendable ladder whose design is still being used by fire departments today
- built the world's first hydraulic jack
- built a rotating stage
- built a water-powered alarm clock!
Those are some pretty amazing credentials if you ask me.
While curiosity might have "killed the cat," it can help you think like a genius. Leonardo da Vinci had a book of questions. In his journal he would write down questions as fast as they would pop into his head. He would write down questions such as:
Why do birds fly?
Why do they slow down as they land?
What do their feathers do?
The interesting thing is that he didn't worry about the answers. He simply wrote down the questions because he knew something about the power of the human mind. He knew the subconscious mind was powerful and if he wrote down the questions his subconscious mind would continue to work on the answers.
BUT STAY IN BUSINESS TO DO GOOD" Mahatma Gandhi
"The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources."Einstein
One of the most famous quotes from Albert Einstein is, "Imagination is more important than knowledge." You see, Einstein placed incredible value on creativity. His theories and ideas were all about creativity. He made a toy car for his young son out of shoestring and some boxes—that was creativity. When he was down and out and needed money, he posted an ad for tutoring lessons—that was creativity in making money.
Since Einstein was one of the most accomplished and greatest thinkers of our time, an argument could be made that he was also one of the most creative people of all time. You can know more about your product than anyone and have more degrees than anyone you know, but if you don't have a little bit of creativity to take advantage of what you do have, then it is useless.
Credentials and knowledge will do you little good if you lack the creativity to take advantage of them. Einstein once said, "The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources." I think he was being a little humble and a lot humorous here, but he was once again acknowledging the importance of being creative!
So you may ask yourself, "What is creativity?"
That is an excellent question. Let's go straight to the source to answer it. Einstein said, "Creativity is seeing what others see and thinking what no one else has thought."
Robert Kennedy said the same thing this way: "Some look at things that are and ask, why? I look at things that never were and ask, why not?" Robert Kennedy was talking about creativity, just as Einstein was.
So how do you do it? How do you model the creativity of Albert Einstein? First, we need to address the idea of the limiting belief that you are not creative.
There is a prevailing belief that creativity is an inborn trait—you are either creative or you're not. Well, while creativity is an inborn trait, we are all born with a creative brain (your right cerebral hemisphere) and have many creative skills.
Children are naturally curious and eager to explore the world around them and spend hours playing with toys, making up imaginary friends and pretend games. But as we get older, we begin to lose some of our natural creativity as we learn and use more left-brain thinking skills in school and at work.
Research shows that our propensity to generate original ideas drops from 90% at age 5, to 20% at age 7, and even further to 2% as adults! However, unless you have suffered brain damage in your right hemisphere or had it surgically removed, you still have a creative brain; so you are still creative. It's just that maybe you don't use your creative skills as much as you used to.
Now for the good news! You can reawaken your creative brainpower.
What would Einstein tell you in regard to increasing your creativity? Well, we don't have to guess on that one, because he told us. He said, "The important thing is to not stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing."
Develop the curiosity of a child. Leonardo da Vinci, who is said to have been one of the greatest geniuses of all time, also had this creativity. I don't think that it is a coincidence that Da Vinci and Einstein were both extremely creative and that so many years after their deaths we are still talking about them. Let me give you a few of Da Vinci's credentials.
Five hundred years ago, Da Vinci:
- drew blueprints for the world's first helicopter
- drew blueprints for a submarine
- built an extendable ladder whose design is still being used by fire departments today
- built the world's first hydraulic jack
- built a rotating stage
- built a water-powered alarm clock!
Those are some pretty amazing credentials if you ask me.
While curiosity might have "killed the cat," it can help you think like a genius. Leonardo da Vinci had a book of questions. In his journal he would write down questions as fast as they would pop into his head. He would write down questions such as:
Why do birds fly?
Why do they slow down as they land?
What do their feathers do?
The interesting thing is that he didn't worry about the answers. He simply wrote down the questions because he knew something about the power of the human mind. He knew the subconscious mind was powerful and if he wrote down the questions his subconscious mind would continue to work on the answers.
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