NUGGET 7: SCREENING FAMILY BACKGROUNDS: 17th July 2011.
This nugget helped me realize the reason I at times behave the way I do. Let me not preempt. We are talking about your partner's family background.
- This is where we check/ look for signs indicating that your partner's background has been unhealthy, warped, dysfunctional family.
- If one or both of you have been raised in a dysfunctional families, it doesn't disqualify you from marriage, but you must make sure that the impact of your upbringing in that family has been recognized and worked through. WHY? Because dysfunctional families breed dysfunctional families. Have evidence that you are free(through psychological counseling).
- In marriage, whether you like it or not, you don't marry merely an individual, you marry the entire family. Get to know to your partners family members, learn about them as much as you can at the earliest juncture as possible.
- Getting into a marital relationship with somebody, who has a very controlling parent can be a major problem for a marriage. That is when in-laws become out-laws.
- The old saying is true in marriage:"In every marriage, there are 6 people, the wife, husband and 2 parents from each side-even if they are deceased.
- When anything threatens your relationship with your family, you automatically recoil. If your partner says something critical about your relatives, you are personally offended.
- 3 things you can do to help determine whether your relationship can withstand the pressures exerted by your family backgrounds:
i) Study your potential partner's family- ask to see old photographs, college and secondary yearbooks, family wedding albums, or anything else that will provide clues to your partner's family background. Ask questions on parents' past history, past occupation, religion,wealth levels etc.
ii) Share your feelings about each others family honestly but sensitively- never criticize your partner's family members to him or her. Rarely will anything constructive come from your critical comments. We tend to defend our family members.
iii) Show both of your families that you care about them. equal treatment of both families is appreciated.
- Invite your family's opinions- the flip side to what you see in your partner's family is what your family sees in you and your partner's relationship.
- When your family doesn't approve of the person you are considering for a serious relationship, do not bar them from expressing their feelings: But make the final decision (the choice is yours).They may have seem something that needs to be addressed in your partner before you commit to this relationship(investigate their view).
- A good decision about a marriage partner is one that is good today, a month from now, ten years from now, and even after your 25th and 50th anniversary.
- If you are walking down the aisle at your wedding and you suddenly realize, "this isn't right for me, STOP! Before you take your vows you are totally free.
N/B. We are through with the 7 screening dimensions. Tomorrow we focus on the core personal dimensions: NUGGET 8: INTELLECT
YOU ARE BLESSED
SAYS
KIAGO
