13th July 2011
NUGGET 3: THE RED FLAGS
Welcome to our today's nugget. Its a nugget that will boost our preparedness to the most dreaded thing:"Marriage" Let's get the ball rolling!!!!!!
Have you ever been by the ocean on a day when the water is rough and choppy, and the undertow is downright dangerous? The lifeguards post red flags all along the beach, warning people to stay out of the water for their own safety. Anyone foolish enough to go in the water when the red flags are flying does so at their own peril.They are just asking for trouble! The lifeguards will continue to fly the flags until the danger has passed and the sea is calm and safe to enjoy again.
- In the realm of relationships, many people ignore the red warning flags, always at their peril, which often involves a partner's pain as well. The red flags may signify the presence of a number of problems, but most often they warn of character disorders, addiction, or neuroses.
- Addiction is: any behavior that negatively affects your health, work, or primary relationships yet you continue to engage in this behavior.
- Many of those seeking relationships do not know that they need someone who is addiction-free if they hope to have a grate marriage.
- Some people drink too much, eat too much, or eat too little: some are addicted to pornography; others are addicted to nicotine, gambling or prescription drugs. Anyone who marries someone who is addicted to anything is asking for trouble.
- If you see any addictions or other serious emotional problems in the person you intend to relate with; these are red fags. Give it at least an year before you reconsider the relationship so that the red flag can be cured. An alcoholic life is usually in grave danger for a lifetime. Let the addict learn to live an addiction-free life on his/her own, not depending on you. All addictions take time to cure, so don't rush the process.
- Addicts become skilled liars and develop intricate webs of deceit to cover their addictive behavior. Any addict must go through professional counseling .
- A neurotic is a person who suffers excessive anxiety that causes him/her to be incapable of handling the everyday challenges and frustrations of life. When anxiety is too high, he or she easily becomes depressed.
- When a person feels threatened by everyday events or problems the response is often to avoid them, or run from the problem rather than facing them. This leads to more problems. Many times depression is the result of insecurity, anger, guilt, shame, or an experience of loss.
- Many divorced individuals experience extreme levels of depression and, conversely, no wonder so many untreated depression cases end up in divorce court. (A vicious cycle!)
- Neurosis can be treated with psychotherapy. The time to treat any neurosis is before you enter a serious dating relationship.
- Another red flag is that some people are impulsive and want the relationship to proceed much too rapidly. "We have known each other for two weeks, and we think we are great together, so why don't we just go ahead and get married?". Often "hyper-spiritual" people slip into this error. "God brought us together, so we are sure it is his will that we marry now"
- SLOW DOWN, IF THE RELATIONSHIP OS OF PREMIUM QUALITY, IT WILL STILL BE THRIVING ONE YEAR FROM NOW.
- Too fast, too young, too eager- these are all warning red flags that should caution you to slow down and take another look at this relationship.
- Beware of "Boomerang" relationships, in which a person is trying to find the healing that he/she did not receive in the a previous relationship. Too often, the person who has not taken the time to process what went wrong, to accept responsibility for his or her actions and attitudes, and make changes accordingly is destined to repeat the problem all over again.
- Pursue a relationship when ALL the red flags are gone. WHAT A JOY!!!!!!!!
N/B: THE SEA SHOULD BE CALM AND THE SAILING SMOOTH. THEN STEP INTO THE RELATIONSHIP WATERS.
Thanks and always remember that you are blessed!!!!!!!!!
Regards
Kiago
