NUGGET 6: RAISING FAMILIES- 16th July 2011
Halfway their 1st date, Milly and Ezekiel, discovered something. They had been enjoying themselves until Ezekiel made Milly uncomfortable when he uttered this words,"I don't think I can handle children. I don't ever want to have children!"
Milly wasn't sure she understood what he meant. So she asked him, "what did you mean by that?". Ezekiel responded that he was 37 years old and extremely career-oriented and would not see children fitting in his life. Though Ezekiel wanted to get married, he never had and place for children. He never wanted his life to be interrupted by children.
After their date that evening Milly confessed to Ezekiel that she had a desire to raise children in her life and that their relationship was over. This shocked Ezekiel but he had nothing much to do. Milly's decision illustrates a very important principle: "The truth is always friendlier that anything less than the truth"
- Choosing the right person to marry is already a large enough decision. When you want to add the possibility of bringing children into the world, you definitely want to make sure are are both on the same page. The sheer constancy of parenting requires a deep, strong, lasting commitment between a husband and a wife. That's why it is absolutely crucial for you to discuss in detail the idea of having children, will all ramifications, before you get involved in a serious dating relationship that could potential lead to marriage.
- If one person has a strong desire to have children and the other has little to no desire for kids, you may have a great friendship, but please do not get married, regardless of the number of other dimensions in which you may match.
- The number of children should also be discussed, if you can't agree, it will always bring crisis in your marriage. Parenting styles should also be considered, issues of infertility, adoption, acceptable methods of discipline should be clarified, agreed upon before you are married.
- Care should also be taken when you are considering a relationship in which you may be a step parent to your child .
- Ask yourself this questions:
i)Do I really want a baby with this person?
If you are still unclear about what is at stake, ask yourself,
ii) Do I really want to have a teenager with this person?
Having children is rarely the sole cause of marital problems; the pressures of having a baby and raising a family simply exacerbate whatever is already happening in the relationship, positively or negatively. if there are fissures and cracks in the relationship, the additional stress of raising kids will break them wide open. Its naive to think that your relationship with your partner won't change when you have kids. it will and you should expect that. The attention you have been giving each other changes drastically.
- N/B most of us have a tendency to be selfish, even in a well-matched, mutually satisfying relationship. YET NOTHING IN LIFE WILL TEACH YOU HOW TO SURRENDER YOUR RIGHTS IN SACRIFICIAL LOVE MORE THAN HAVING CHILDREN.If you or your partner is not up to that kind of sacrifice, you should reconsider the issue of having a family.
- After your spouse, your children should be number one relationship in life.
- If life was a tennis game, having children would be break point...but it is also advantage:love.
